The show seems to be about nerdy guys living with strippers. The most socially inept losers had to pair off with absolute filthy sluts to win prizes or new tits or bragging rights at the next cosplay convention. I wasn't really paying attention. Except to this one girl who was introduced as having $8,000 breast augmentation surgery before they actually announced her name. As if $4,000 a tit was more important than a womans soul. Anyway this not quite fake plaything (she kept her natural hair color, I think) had dreams of being more than just filler during 'Legs n Eggs.' She announced her dream in life was "to be an aspiring Playboy model."
That's where my head asploded. Let me say that again. She wanted to be an ASPIRING Playboy model.
How the fuck do you want to be a Playboy model and not pull it off. (forgive the pun) Most girls just have to show up in Chicago or LA and faster than Sammy Hagar can say 'wango tango' they're knees to the sky with Brett Michaels or Adrian Zmed or that guy from "Full House" that Alanis Morrisette wrote that song about. Especially if you're the recent beneficiary of a boob job that cost more than the average Playboy reader makes in a year after taxes. Full disclosure here. I gave up reading Playboy when I realized the pictures were all girls old enough to be my daughter and BMW motorcycles turned into coffee tables or a Bang & Olufsen stock market ticker tape machine. There wasn't a single thing in that magazine that I could afford. I miss the dirty jokes though. Maybe someone will email me some.
So this poor girl shows every American awake at the ungodly hour of 7AM on Sunday that there are two failures in her life. Her failure to reach the dream of becoming a Playboy model and her fathers failure to offer her some simple dignity.
I want daughters. I hope I can do better.
I haven't had a drink in 7 days.