Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Night Of The Living Dead

Anyone who really knows me knows I'm not easy to scare. I'm not kidding. Anyone who can drop acid and remain a Republican isn't someone you want to fuck with. So it's hard to frighten me. I can startle like anyone else but real scares just don't seem to phase me. Except one thing, zombies.

The other night I was walking past the dining room window and noticed several people milling about on our front lawn. I couldn't quite see what was going on but they looked aimless and without leadership. Exactly what I would expect from a zombie attack.

"WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE?" I snapped at Lisa. Then the doorbell rang. I calmed down. Zombies rarely ring the doorbell. Usually they just pound on the wall and occaisionally radio in for more paramedics and police officers to make a grim "home delivery." Doorbells although less complex then a police radio seem to elude even the most dexterous of the undead.

They were Christmas Carolers. We gave them leftover Halloween candy.


Anonymous PaulMc said...

Zombie Carolers would rock!

And, you know, eat your brains, too.

Dec 19, 2006, 9:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

You must live in a nicer neighborhood than AG. Nobody comes knocking on AG's door. However, many strolled by to what appeared to be a fun party.

You're not supposed to give them candy. You either thank them and shut the door or bring them in for hot chocolate. Who raised you?


Dec 20, 2006, 12:04:00 AM  
Blogger RicketyFunk said...

Wouldn't it be better if they were Frankenstein Monsters caroling. Imagine the singing? Like angels ripping the wings off o' flies.

(Sorry 'bout the insane repetition on the comment section for the last post. The computer I use at work likes to tweak out and sometimes I lose patience with it and overclick with zeal. Or... maybe I'm really trying to drive the point home and caps and ex-clay-mation points just wont do.)

Dec 20, 2006, 1:38:00 AM  
Anonymous lisajsc said...

We had to give them something. And I was not about to have 20 someodd students from Gordon College (I am guessing that is where they were from because we live close to their campus and they kept saying "God Bless" into my house. When I gave them the candy they kept singing. They were very nice and sang very well.
AG, where did you grow up? Was it a place that you could comfortable welcome 20 random strangers into your home for hot chocolate? What if they were zombies dressed as carolers. Those zombies have evolved. Since when have the walking dead been able to run at top speed and have superhuman strength? In the past, they have caught up to there prey, but more recently, like in "28 Days Later" and the remake of "Dawn of the Dead" the paradigm has changed. Not as creepy, but it still works.
Anyway, they scared the piss out of me when I turned the light on.

Dec 20, 2006, 11:01:00 AM  
Anonymous AdorableGirlfriend said...

They were singing Christmas carols! Unless it is a Priest, you can trust the church singing types. Just don't give them your phone number. People are not as bad as Myspace would have you believe.

Dean, your input is needed on teenagers at RoD. AG has nothing but love for your thoughts on the most recent post.

Dec 20, 2006, 11:45:00 AM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

I admit that zombies top my list of things I never want to deal with. It all seems to ... possible.

Plus it's the only situation where having no brains at all is an advantage in the fight for survival.

Dec 20, 2006, 4:05:00 PM  
Blogger Dean ASC said...

Well then, AG. I'll be right over.

Dec 20, 2006, 4:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

OK, but AG only has Godiva White Liquor leftover from the bake-off. Will that work for you and the lovely Lisa? Also, the doggie barks when you first arrive. She just wants love.

Dec 20, 2006, 11:47:00 PM  

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