Thursday, August 17, 2006

I'll Take A Side Order Of California Condor Eggs, Over Hard.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. – Plato

We can all agree that murder is a bad thing and we shouldn’t do it. It’s an easy no brainer. OK that’s one problem solved. No you mean we need a law to say that murder is bad and no one should do it. Is there a law? Yes. OK then, problem still solved. We can all rest easy at night since there are no murders. What do you mean there was a murder. Doesn’t the law say something about not murdering? Oh it addresses the punishment to be meted out to murderers. OK go and punish the guilty. Job well done.

What do you mean it’s against the law for me to cut this tree down? This is my property. This is my tree. I don’t want a tree here anymore. I want to cut it down. I’ll make sure that it doesn’t fall on the house and tennis court next door to my property. What do you mean the salamanders used to live here? Who the fuck are the salamanders? Oh little slimy lizard. OK where are they now? Endangered, huh? Are there any left anwhere? You mean there are plenty? Not extinct, in fact listed on the endangered species list as “Least Concern” There are tons of the little bastards everywhere just not in Massachusetts. Were there ever any in Massachusetts? You don’t know. But they might someday want to live under my tree here so I will go to jail if I cut it down.

What do you mean I have to pay taxes on my land? It’s worthless. I’m not allowed to cut the trees down. Fine I’ll pay you taxes on worthless land, here’s a few bucks. Go away. What do you mean it’s worth $5,000,000? Another lot of land in town sold for that much money. Are there any trees on it? Why can they cut their trees down? No standing water? There’s no standing water on my land either. OK come over and we’ll perk test it. See the water is flowing out the bottom of the hole. What do you mean it’s too slow? Well then the land isn’t worth $5,000,000 now is it? If I can’t cut the trees down and build on it I’m not paying taxes like that for it.

Who are these men with guns?

2 Comments:

Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Dood, you don't even own the land. You think you do, but really only the house above the land.

Aug 16, 2006, 12:39:00 PM  
Blogger Dean ASC said...

There's no house on the land. We're not allowed to build one because there are trees in the way. We can't cut down the trees because one of the neighbors is using the EPA so that he can live next to the woods without having to pay for it. Lisa's grandfather is convinced the town has it out for him because he's italian and once hired a jewish lawyer back in the 60's and the Wasps that run Wenham don't like to play nice with immigrants and jews.

Aug 16, 2006, 2:18:00 PM  

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