Monday, April 24, 2006

Proust Questionnaire - From Vanity Fair

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

What is your greatest fear?
The end of the line.

What historical figure do you most identify with?
The forgotten farmer who defended Breeds Hill from the British and then quietly went home who then had a monument built to honor him and his fallen peers on the wrong hill.

Which living person do you most admire?
Admire or respect? I’m too egotistical to admire anyone. I respect Nuno.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

What is the trait you most despise in others?
Asking me to help them lie to themselves, I refuse to be a part of anyone’s delusional fantasy life. Fuck’em if they can’t take a joke.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Food and wine.

On what occasion do you lie?
Just after setting my alarm clock before falling asleep.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?

Which living person do you most despise?
Despise and admire are flipsides of the same emotion. I’m too wrapped up in myself to care much about anyone that way. I’m disappointed with Americans who aren’t working to protect us from tools of the state and more so with the tools themselves.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
OK and So. Also common is “Fuck’em if they can’t take a joke.”

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I’d be more organized.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
Which family? Moms? Dads? Lisas? SSRI’s, SSRI’s and a good lawyer should fix everything.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
36 years 9 months 28 days and counting.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
The Law of Conservation of Mass and The Carbon Cycle lead me to believe that when I die I will become a little bit of everything living. Did I ever mention how I’d like my body to be filleted and chummed out to sharks when I die? If you are what you eat then you must become what eats you.

If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
My cat, a white tip shark or Tad Allagash.

Who are your favorite writers?
Fitzgerald, Faulkner, MacInerney, Easton Ellis, Doyle and Coupland

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Tad Allagash

What is your most treasured possession?

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Waiting for triage at the Emergency Room

Where would you like to live?
In a rambling grey shingled Tudor with a wrap around farmers porch high up on the bluffs overlooking the rocky coastline of The Gulf of Maine. The house despite having a grand piano and formal dining room will never lose its wet towel ambience. There will be playrooms where daughters hold formal tea with china dolls and a dusty attic above the garage where sons plot out their day behind a sign reading ‘no girls allowed’. There will be steps down to a small hidden sandy beach framed by rock lined tidal pools full of periwinkles and crabs. A small satellite dish will bring movies into the family room only and there will be no telephone. Frequent thunder showers will knock out power giving the family time to play games by candle light. I won’t ever have to blog to fill the emptiness in my heart. While we’re at it, every afternoon Encyclopedia Brown will scoot over there on a soap box nailed to a board on roller skate wheels and foil Butch’s crimes.

What is your most marked characteristic?
Foolish optimism.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

What is your greatest regret?
Any hurt that I’ve caused while living my life.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

If there is a Heaven what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?
Keg’s over there.

How would you like to die?
After a day of sipping G&T’s and watching the grand children play in sun warmed tide pools. We’ll share a meal filled with stories about family adventures. That evening, I’ll slowly drift off to sleep and beyond, warm in memory and knowing that I’m not leaving Lisa alone, our children are there to care for her until she’s ready to join me.

How will you die?
Monday morning heart attack, the cat will eat my face before I’m found. Either that or torn apart by a Wilson Cloud Chamber.


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