Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The Cat Says “Meow”

This is a worldwide exclusive news scoop. The Lions Club International chapter in Beverly Massachusetts voted to disband on Wednesday, April 19, 2006. My source, a member of 50 years tells me that at one time they would meet, over 50 guys each week. Today they bent over and floated belly up. The Lions Club in Beverly is no more. This is no great surprise. All these philanthropic clubs are facing hard times. The real question is why? Why do these clubs close up?

I can speculate with authority because for years now I’ve contemplated following in my maternal grandfathers footsteps and embrace my Freemason, Knights Templar and Shriner heritage. What holds me back may well be the reason why all these other clubs face certain doom. I have never been a rich white man. I'm dirt poor despite the fact that I come from money, I’m white and I’m a male. In fact, I golf, sail and despite all attempts to deny it, I’m middle aged. Why don’t you see me with a fez, riding a go-cart in parades? Fuck man! I love go-carts! I’m not sure why I haven’t joined. I really have no excuse. Well, maybe one excuse.

Last weekend I had a conversation with my dearest female friend, Dede. I’ve owed her father a call for over a year now. He’s a Mason and we’ve discussed things Masonic several times in the past. Dede would love to see me join the Masons. She'd love to join the Masons herself. She’s wanted to join since her grandfather’s funeral when she got a glimpse into the mysterious world her father belongs to. The Masons pay tribute with an elaborate ceremony honoring their departed brother. It’s one of the reasons I’ve always wanted to join. I saw the same thing when my grandfather passed, I've always respected the care they showed my grandmother and thought that some day I could pay it forward. Unfortunately, even though Dede's a legacy, believes in a higher power and wants to join she can’t. She’s a woman.

Ironically, that’s why I haven’t thought of joining sooner. If there were single young female Freemasons I would have joined two decades ago when I was a single (and very horny) young man. I believe in a higher power (so long as that higher power doesn’t have to be the God of Abraham, Jesus and Mohammed). I’m a legacy. I actually enjoy helping locally (just ask anyone who’s needed my pickup truck during a move.) So now that I’m married, middle aged and a pillar of the community, why haven’t I joined? Because it’s hard to join dues paying organizations when you’re desperately trying to come up with rent, utilities, the cable bill and make the interest payments on 3 credit cards. That’s why the Lions Club is circling the bowl and Man to Mason in one day is too little too late. I would have paid a fortune in dues in my 20’s if I thought I could meet girls. Now it’s not fair to my wife to shell out a fortune in dues if it means we can’t fill the gas tank for her morning commute. It’s too bad too. I look good in a fez.

What can they do to get my generation to join? If time is money, then accept my and my peers sincere offers of time in lieu of money. Otherwise it looks like no one in my generation or those that follow will be displaying the apron and acacia at your funeral.


Anonymous coffeesnob said...

How much is it to join?
I can make you some cookies to sell at your bake sale.

Apr 19, 2006, 11:45:00 PM  
Blogger TommyOkktane said...

The moment I realized the Masons were in dire straits was when I can across a commercial of theirs on the History Channel pitching recruitment for members. Man, how the mighty have fallen.

Apr 20, 2006, 9:06:00 PM  
Blogger Dean ASC said...

That commercial was more of a fundamental violation of their most sacred tradition then had they opened membership up to women.

Apr 20, 2006, 9:43:00 PM  
Blogger RicketyFunk said...

The masons have been through tough times before. Even the Mormon faith has a little anit-freemason-ry wrapped up in its tomes.

I have a friend who went to several "friendship" mason meetings and I was able to get some dirt on joining but it didn't seem like anything that I wanted to be a part of.

I think I may be projecting a bit but I feel like people of my generation don't feel as though they either a.)are welcome to belong, b.)don't meet requirements to belong, or c.)don't care about what it means to be a member.

I myself am a bit of a rogue. When once asked "friend or foe?" I replied "neither."

Apr 21, 2006, 2:49:00 PM  

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