Saturday, February 10, 2007

Pour Some Sugar On Me

It's been a long week. Made even longer by my having taken Friday off to go to a seminar on tiered instruction. A buzzword meaning extra lesson plans that amount to busy work for the gifted and talented kids while the sped kids catch up. You'd think that a development day would be a fun day off but it was work combined with having to leave a decent sub plan. The seminar was OK but we (the assistant principal and one teacher from each department) got kind of punchy towards the end.

The conference was in Franklin and the map they sent me was lacking in crucial details. I got lost which I almost never do. Fortunately I tend to drive like a maniac and was ahead of schedule before I had to backtrack. I got there on time but I put the new clutch to the test (the third one the truck has had in 116,000 miles.) While at the conference, the assistant principal called in and found out there was a fight between two students. One went to the hospital the other went to jail. I don't have either student and I hear the kid had it coming to him but assault is still assault.

Afterwards I drove back to the High School to make sure the emperor scorpions I have were set for the weekend. Also I was chaperoning the Sadie Hopkins dance.

What a dance it was. It started ordinary enough. Kids came in and paid their ten bucks each. They compared new dresses. The boys tried to look all cool. Music was playing. Slowly they all filtered onto the dance floor. Girls first then a few couples. Small packs of boys stood off to the side watching and looking cool.

It was the first high school dance I have ever been to sober.

Then the freak dancing started. First one couple grinded against each other. I tried to get them to either stop or do it where the chaperones couldn't see it. Then another couple started. The progression was geometric and soon I couldn't stop the floor humping. The principal started to tell them to stop. Then he stopped the music and announced over the loudspeaker for them to dance nicely. The students returned taunts and chants of "Let us dance!" Kids were getting pissed off. The principal was getting pissed off. He nearly called off the dance. He told the kids about the dance in Concord where the faculty stopped the dance and cancelled all future dances. Unfortunately that case ended with egg on the face of the principal. Parents attacked the school committee and got the dances back. It sent a clear message to the kids that the principal has no authority to enforce rules at all. That they could do whatever they wanted as long as their parents were politically powerful.

Last night the principal gave up. We let the kids dry hump until sweat made it a wet hump. Concerned that the principal would call off the dance students took turns arguing with him over why they couldn't dance that way. They tag teamed him so effectively that he never got a chance to come back down to the dance floor. Other then that the kids were well behaved. Some of my students said hello, others were too cool to be seen talking with a teacher at the dance. There were a few on the dance floor that smelled of alcohol but I couldn't pinpoint exactly who so I let it slide. They got past the police at the door and weren't drinking in front of me so there was nothing I could really do.

Telling the kids they couldn't grind just made them all want to grind. If we had told them not to do Cocaine every kid there would have been on their cellphone calling 411 in Medillin to get Pablo Escobars home line.

It was actually pretty funny to see some of the freshmen trying to grind like the big kids but the boys were too excited to keep with the rythm and the girls couldn't stop giggling.

I don't know what monday is going to bring. I expect some fallout. The most politically expedient thing to do will be to require at least 20 parents as chaperones for the next dance. Let the community decide if grinding offends community standards.

In the mean time I suggested all future social events become "pants dance" where everyone, boy and girl has to wear pants. Or perhaps canvas overalls. Something with a nice scratchyness to it.


Blogger RicketyFunk said...

You should teach them how to Krump at the next dance. Ha ha ha...

Did you ever see the Sadie Hawkins dance episode of Strangers With Candy, where she ends up taking her son to the golf themed dance, Bogie Nights? "The violent students make passionate lovers."

Feb 14, 2007, 2:01:00 AM  

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