Friday, January 25, 2008

What The Fuck, We're All Going To Hell Anyway

Enough of this so that I don't get sued out of existence is satire of public officials or corporate citizens who shouldn't have any rights in a sane world. Much of it is true. All of it I can cite my sources for if called out.

This is fucked up. Even more fucked up than the fucked up day I had in the classroom. And it's finals week. I only had one class today. In that time I had an issue with two principals, a student, the chair of the department and an irate parent over a god damned cell phone disturbing the other students who managed to obey the fuckin rules and turned theirs off when I said to. This comes on the heels of a bomb scare, a pistol found in a student's back-pack and felony theft charges which will definitely involve jail time for at least one of my former students. Each crime committed by a different student, and I had all of them in class last year.

Oh, and the town finally gave me a fire extinguisher for my classroom. It's pressurized water in a silver canister. OSHA and common sense would like to see me get an ABC bottle, you know, the red one. I'll stick with the one from under my kitchen sink.

I love my job.

As much as I think I'm able to dig up... Dunkin Donuts is owned by three private equity groups each more sinister than the last.

First is Bain Company. They hold most of it as far as I can tell. They're a private equity group out of Boston and NY with some Shanghai and Hong Kong offices thrown in for flavor. You can't purchase shares in a private equity group. If they want you to be a share holder you would already be one by now. By the way, my new phone number in China is 011 852 81713303. Call it. Leave me a message on my answering machine. I'm not telling anyone what my address in Hong Kong is. Not even Lisa.

The next one is Thomas H Lee Partners. They're located in the building I used to work in when I did my Wall Street thing. Those were the days when I was "missing" from our circle of friends. I have a vague and fuzzy memory of this name and time. What's really sinister about this outfit is that their address, 100 Federal St Boston 35th floor is that the 35th floor of this particular building is a private bar. Lisa and I went to a party there a couple months back. You might have seen the pictures of me with Jimmy Tingle.

The trail dead ends with The Carlisle Group. I hope I don't have to tell you all about their connection to George Herbert Walker Bush and my other Brother-from-another-mother Richard "Dick" Cheney.

If Dunkin Donuts is making money it's potentially on the back of illegal aliens and possibly money laundering. Any news you might be hearing on Fox-25 is likely just smoke screen so no one wonders why they're the only business not going bankrupt. There's a great chapter in "Freakanomics" about how all cash fast food businesses & small town banks can't survive without illegal drugs in the neighborhood. You should also find out what went on in Mena, Arkansas late at night.

Do you think the average middle class Costa Rican or Colombian cares about the narco-trafficking or corruption behind their ruling class either? Or do they like cheap donuts too? Be very afraid.

By the way, my grandmother died.

The Aristocrats!!!

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