Sunday, August 10, 2008

What's Wrong With Education In America Part 1:The Students


This is a Periodic Table. Most periodic tables put Hydrogen in the same category as Lithium and Sodium. However metallic hydrogen is very very rare and so I've always felt that H-H really belongs above the Halogens as it bonds more like F-F or I-I. On the other hand HCl dissociates in water much like NaCl and does not form the bond that IBr does.

I have also seen Hydrogen placed in both periods 1 & 17 on the table and also listed alone, detached from the table.

However, placing Hydrogen in period 1 and 17 at the same time seems to throw todays precious little snowflake into fits of despair wondering if there are other repeats in the periodic table but being too lazy to actually read through all 119 elements in sufficient detail to remember anything useful makes that one of the great un-answered mysteries of the Universe.

It's like asking what's the square root of a million. No one will ever know. Well actually the kid who brought his calculator will tell you smugly that it's 1000. That kid is going places. The rest will be lucky to fetch his dry cleaning when they grow up. Calculator Boy will be managing the H1-B's America will need to hire to fill in the knowledge gap left when we realize we shouldn't have spent so much time teaching Snowflake how to have good self esteem instead of how to do calculus. Maybe if Snowflake's little sister is hot she can marry Calculator Boy and talk him into hiring his new Snowflake-in-law to be Vice President of Marketing and Synergy. Of course Snowflake will have to go back to night school and finish that degree in communications first.

I've been watching Doug Stanhope doing standup on cable. He makes a very valid point about why The New York Yankees are what's wrong with America. He tells the story in the context of dumb fucking assholes who will take a day off work to have a parade when their millionaire sports team wins but won't do the same to go to city hall and tell the mayor to let them smoke in bars. If only there was a way to get people to worry more about Paula Abdul than their own future. Whoever comes up with a distraction compelling enough to get my kids to skip their homework is going to become a millionaire. I just wish I could write a test where knowing who America's Next Top Model is going to be is important.

Should Jason Castro cut his hair?
A Yes
B No
C Who the fuck is Jason Castro and what does this have to do with Chemistry?

In regards to answer C, you tell me. Really. Because when I was trying to lecture on oxidation/reduction reactions you were texting your boyfriend in study hall about inane crap.

Good luck explaining to your boss at the hair salon why the EPA and OSHA are going to fine him tens of thousands of dollars because you poured ammonia based color stripper down the same sink you had been pouring chlorate bleach yesterday.

By the way, I had your boyfriend in my other class. If only he got this question right on the final.

A soldier has been assigned to clean up a small mess in one of the ammunition storage bays. The gunpowder spill is not water soluble. It is soluble in kerosene. Give three reasons why this is going to end badly.

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1 Comments:

Blogger RicketyFunk said...

I find it hard to believe that the location of Hydrogen on a periodic table is confusing for a high school chemistry student.

Maybe I take too much for granted.

And I would love to answer that question but I'm not feeling it today. Something to do with the reactive nature of those two substances with heat and a soldiers stereotypical lowered educational expectations.

Aug 11, 2008, 12:21:00 PM  

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