I Don't Think You've Thought Your Cunning Plan All The Way Through

I guess Florida has a law requiring gas stations to have self contained generators in case society collapses. This sounds like a great idea to lawmakers who don't actually have to pay for the burdens on the cost of doing business themselves. As the article points out you can have all the generators in the world but if your evacuate the staff who's going to turn the pumps on?

I don't think the law is really for the evacuating citizenry at all. If the power goes out forcing the gas pumps on does no good to the station owner if there's no way to pay for the gas. No electricity in the state, people are fleeing disaster and you expect their credit cards to clear? The gas stations will have to go to cash only but who carries $100 to fill the Escalade?

I can't believe the entire legislature forgot to think about that when passing this law. So I have to draw one of two conclusions about the government that passes such a law. They either don't care about passing half hearted and poorly reasoned laws that burden their commonwealth. This would be the lesser of two evils despite the almost malevolence and malice against their constituents. The other conclusion would be that the generators aren't there for the refugees at all but are there to ensure that the occupying army of state and federal and Blackwater jack booted thugs have access to fuel during a crisis.

What's Wrong With Education In America Part Whatever: The End For Now

I pretty much have to close out this thread for a while but before I go there's this.

McCain/Palin

Oh well. It was nice while it lasted.

Unless...

Do you think McCain purposely imploded his campaign just to call America's bluff. I mean certainly he can't be thinking Middle America is so racist that his campaign could survive the dead whore/live boy in the backseat that usually ruins politicians. Does he really expect us all to roll into the voting booth and collectively say "Lie'n sluts or a Democrat? Fuck it! No Negroes in the Whitehouse for me!"

Are we that racist that he thinks he can get away with so obvious a lie?

Then again, dead poonanni in the backseat of his car never stopped Ted Kennedy.

Or do you think it's go give him an excuse to step down at the convention and give all his electoral votes to Romney. I hear Romney has suddenly received Secret Service protection.

SS-21

Been nice knowing you. It seems that in our lust to bring peace to the Middle East at the point of a gun we've pissed off the only country that can stand up to us without loosing every dime they have. China is not about to fuck with us. We owe them too much money. Besides, they're actually smart. They're capable of planning things ahead of time and actually following it through to successful completion. Christ! They eat 1000 year old eggs. I don't know what I'm going to have for dinner tonight and I don't remember what I just ate for lunch. Some where some Chinaman is sitting down to a snack planned for him ten dynasties ago. Don't fuck with a Chinaman. They know how to get things done.

So do the Russians. They know they don't have to take shit from us. Guess what, they're about to deliver a big spank if we get uppity again. I've seen a Scarab missile up close. The instructions stenciled on the side are printed in Russian and English. It's so that they can give them out like candy to their allies in the Middle East without having to worry if their allies can't read Cyrillic.

The SS-21 is nuclear capable and has a range of about 75 miles. Now you're not going to be chucking H-Bombs between Hartford and White Plains and expect to survive. You can however drive that thing through Armenia in a weekend and render 40% of the worlds oil useless. No soldier now matter how ordered is going to want to strap themselves into an M-1 tank knowing that the gasoline they're sitting next to is throwing neutrons in every direction like Rip Torn at Hiroshima. I'm pretty sure the nuclear free zone we call Cambridge isn't going to welcome MobilOne with Tritium when they go to pump dead soldiers into the Prius.

What's Wrong With Education In America Part 2: College

True story time. I once took an analytical chemistry class at Salem State. There were 24 students in the class. Ten were chemistry students the rest were from the bio department. One of the labs we did was to detect chlorine in various aqueous samples. One way was with a special electrode and a pH meter. The other way was through gas chromatography and mass spectrometry. It was in the fall semester and I got an A in the class.

One fine spring day I was sitting around the Chemistry Society office. It was a little closet off the Bio Society office. One of the bio majors who had just taken the class with me came into the chem society office to get help on a project he was doing for a bio class. He wanted to know how he could measure the amount of chlorine in pond water.

Having an audience of chem nerds I started fucking with him. I was thinking he'd recognize that I was fucking with him. I told him he should get some sodium metal and throw it in the pond. Then he should evaporate the water off and the sodium chloride would crystalize like when a tide pool at the beach evaporates in the sun. He could weigh the salt and then use the atomic mass to figure out how much chlorine there was.

He goes off looking for sodium and comes back an hour later to call me an asshole. What I told him was, from an engineering standpoint, a very valid way to solve his problem. From a scientific and environmental standpoint it was fucked up. Unfortunately it took his bio professor to point out to him how he had been had. I reminded him that we did the lab twice with two different ways of detecting chlorine. We could also have used Atomic Absorption and UV/Vis techniques but the easiest way to answer his question would be to go two blocks off campus to that pet store and spend five bucks on aquarium test strips. All you have to do is dunk them in and then look at the color.

What's Wrong With Education In America Part 1:The Students

This is a Periodic Table. Most periodic tables put Hydrogen in the same category as Lithium and Sodium. However metallic hydrogen is very very rare and so I've always felt that H-H really belongs above the Halogens as it bonds more like F-F or I-I. On the other hand HCl dissociates in water much like NaCl and does not form the bond that IBr does.

I have also seen Hydrogen placed in both periods 1 & 17 on the table and also listed alone, detached from the table.

However, placing Hydrogen in period 1 and 17 at the same time seems to throw todays precious little snowflake into fits of despair wondering if there are other repeats in the periodic table but being too lazy to actually read through all 119 elements in sufficient detail to remember anything useful makes that one of the great un-answered mysteries of the Universe.

It's like asking what's the square root of a million. No one will ever know. Well actually the kid who brought his calculator will tell you smugly that it's 1000. That kid is going places. The rest will be lucky to fetch his dry cleaning when they grow up. Calculator Boy will be managing the H1-B's America will need to hire to fill in the knowledge gap left when we realize we shouldn't have spent so much time teaching Snowflake how to have good self esteem instead of how to do calculus. Maybe if Snowflake's little sister is hot she can marry Calculator Boy and talk him into hiring his new Snowflake-in-law to be Vice President of Marketing and Synergy. Of course Snowflake will have to go back to night school and finish that degree in communications first.

I've been watching Doug Stanhope doing standup on cable. He makes a very valid point about why The New York Yankees are what's wrong with America. He tells the story in the context of dumb fucking assholes who will take a day off work to have a parade when their millionaire sports team wins but won't do the same to go to city hall and tell the mayor to let them smoke in bars. If only there was a way to get people to worry more about Paula Abdul than their own future. Whoever comes up with a distraction compelling enough to get my kids to skip their homework is going to become a millionaire. I just wish I could write a test where knowing who America's Next Top Model is going to be is important.

Should Jason Castro cut his hair?
A Yes
B No
C Who the fuck is Jason Castro and what does this have to do with Chemistry?

In regards to answer C, you tell me. Really. Because when I was trying to lecture on oxidation/reduction reactions you were texting your boyfriend in study hall about inane crap.

Good luck explaining to your boss at the hair salon why the EPA and OSHA are going to fine him tens of thousands of dollars because you poured ammonia based color stripper down the same sink you had been pouring chlorate bleach yesterday.

By the way, I had your boyfriend in my other class. If only he got this question right on the final.

A soldier has been assigned to clean up a small mess in one of the ammunition storage bays. The gunpowder spill is not water soluble. It is soluble in kerosene. Give three reasons why this is going to end badly.

They'll Take Away My Brain When They Pry It From My Cold Dead Hands!

Because in Massachusetts if you're not part of the vaulted Cambridge elite curiosity and intelligence are against the law.

That's Thomas Edison's home laboratory. Possession of those bottles alone is enough to go to jail in Texas. Actually the Texas law merely requires a permit which is free but from my understanding there is a 21 day waiting period to buy thermometers. I'm not joking the law as written is sloppy and you must inform the permitting office of your intention to make changes to your chemical and equipment inventory and then wait 21 days for approval.

Come on Bay State. We're smarter than that. Don't make me throw snowballs at the British Soldiers you've billeted in my home.

Where Ya Been?

A word and a number will answer that question.

XBOX 360

I find shooting the people on my buddy list (mostly my students) in the head on Grand Theft Auto 4 to be a far better outlet for my personal issues than blogging. At least it's more satisfying. (especially my students) I especially like stealing a helicopter, jumping out at altitude and then crushing people (again my students) with my corpse as I hit the ground.

So what brought me out of my virtual paradise?

It seems that some one somewhere is trying rile up my generation. These little blips are starting to be epidemic. Each comes just in enough time after the last so that it doesn't seem like we're all just copying each others one thought.

The only other bit of writing I've done is a detailed response to the staggering and appalling errors in my performance review. Perhaps when the dust all settles I can share it with you. Until then you can find me on Xbox Live under "TedKnedysCar".

All I Need Is Some Tasty Waves

I got fired again. This time I don't think I want to go back.

Living The American Dream

You're damn well right that those who are losing complain loudest. They wouldn't be complaining if they weren't losing out. When we were growing up the "Social Contract" we were given promised us comfort, family and emotional fulfillment so long as we didn't get pregnant, did our homework and kept mommy and daddies good name out of the police blotter. In exchange for sitting still when the most boring people in the world yoked us to staggering student loans we expect nothing less than the beach house free pot and sexy college party that leads to a center entrance colonial no more than a 10 minute drive to the commuter rail. You know, the same social contract our hippy parents enjoyed.

In contract law there is a term - unconscionability - which means that a contract one sided or unfair to one party cannot be entered into. When consideration is lacking or inadequate the contract is considered unenforceable. Now unfairness alone isn't enough to break the contract unless one party to the contract exerted undue influence or advantage.

Quick show of hands, who here told their parents to fuck off and refused to join polite society? I didn't think so. Even I don't have the nads to tell mom and dad to go chew while I quit my job thus freeing up my schedule so I can drink beer and play with Legos all day.

We all signed the social contract. Some of us signed up sooner than others but we've all sold out. I just wish I was allowed to see the fine print before that Monteblanc was shoved into my hand. It doesn't matter much to me now though. It's pretty clear that the Boomers are going to default on their obligation to Generation X in favor of giving their Echo crotch fruit a plasma screen for the back of the drivers side headrest.

But this post isn't a bitter rant over getting shafted. This is about survival for the Gen Xers out there. Our parents will bankrupt social security lickety split. The Echos are inept at everything but Grand Theft Auto (the game) and blowing each others body parts off from following bomb instructions they found on the internet which they didn't read carefully.

That's what will save us. Those Echo kids don't read anything carefully and they don't do anything without texting 3 other people to make sure it's socially OK for them to do whatever it is you're asking them to do and then they have to text them back to find out how to use the pointy end of the ruler.

Ruprekt, Don't take the cork off the fork.

Since they're the ones who got chauffeured to school in the back of moms Range Rover they're the ones who should go and fetch the Depends when their helicopter parents finally crash. After all, they're the ones who are going to inherit everything no matter what their older Gen X siblings do.

They won't fetch anything for their parents though. They'll be busy trying to figure out why their Gen X coworkers get things done by themselves when it takes them and their 4 friends all day to start working on that team project. Don't even ask them to swing a hammer, one kid will hold the nail, one will swing the hammer and one will watch the hammer drive the top of that first kids thumb into the wall. This will happen just before the kid who was trying to read the directions realized that the roundish flat thing not the claw end is supposed to hit the nail.

So remember that. Can't get things done on their own. Will be your boss though because when mommy is done writing their college application essay daddy will install them as his replacement on the board of directors. Since they can't read written instructions to do anything and don't watch the YouTube instructions too carefully either they will be dependent on Gen X to care for their parents and run the skill saw.

As long as the fine print in their social contract lets me set the price I should be retired just after the last Baby Boomer dies. Hopefully the devil spawn that the Echo kids inflict on us will know how to use a wrench or nobody will be able to change the oil in their car. I knew oil would lead to the end of civilization.

Napster

I'm not going to rehash, here, what others have said about online music distribution. I'm not going to get into the legalities of file sharing. What I am going to say is if there is truth to online piracy being an indicator for what is popular than bands have got to come up with uniquely search able names. From my perspective Kiss is going to fall into obscurity real soon. There is no way that "New York Groove" is their biggest hit song but that's the first song that I've been able to find.

If my students are any indication and they usually are, the Google generation rarely clicks on anything but the first couple page ranks.

The Curse of the Flying Hellfish

See Mike, it really does exist!

Financial Planning

No for those of you who expected a picture of shotguns and canned beans, you'll be surprised to find I'm very upbeat about the prospects of my financial portfolio.

Why you might ask? Because I just blew out of any American Equities we had left. I am going into Canadian Mines and something I like to call a BRIC.

"It's not whether you're right or wrong that's important, but how much money you make when you're right and how much you lose when you're wrong." - George Soros

This website is not giving unsolicited financial advice. Past performance is no indication of future profits.

Who am I kidding. I'm fucking right all the time. Just ask my cousin Danny how much he wishes he had bought more RNAI when I put him in at a buck. Then ask him if he wishes he didn't start taking profit at $7. I believe Merck bought it at $13.

I like JAN.V MJO.V GXM.V KBGCF.PK and RIO. None of them are dollar backed.

Most of them are sources of indium, selenium and gallium. More importantly. None of them have any worrisome exposure to Central & Western Africa or the risk that such ventures currently enjoy. Demand for In, Se and Ga is about to shoot through every light fixture on Earth as people wake up to the magical wonders of LEDs and Solar Cells. Either one is a hot market place right now and those stocks are all over valued but not the mining stocks. Mines that will supply the raw materials of either one of those technologies will be even more lucrative if both technologies take off. I may actually live to see retirement instead of dropping dead from a Monday morning heart attack.

My Brush With Celebrity Greatness

Last night Lisa and I went to a party at the BC Club in the pregnant building. It was hosted by some lawyers and bankers. I'm not really sure why.
What made it a tax deduction for Bank of America was a speech given by an executive who was probably wicked smaat but had no presentation style. Then they brought out Jimmy Tingle who was pretty funny. As he slipped out the back I shamelessly begged for a picture. He was pretty nice about it.

The rest of the night I spent talking with a minor player in the mortgage business. His take home message was that he had no idea a couple years ago that the real estate market would be this fucked. Oh and the big speech was the reason why I got to talking to the bankers in the first place. They wanted to tout their new initiative to pitch their special mortgage program for Police, Firemen and Teachers. You know, the only ones left with steady jobs.

While We're On The Subject Of Assholes Destroying America

Blogger is being a prick and won't let me embed a picture here so clicky to watch Al Gore waste electricity.

If only there was a prize meant to honor men like Mohatma Ghandi or Oskar Schindler. Now imagine if they actually gave it to someone who deserved it.

Al Gore uses 20 times the national average electricity. I have 16 rooms which includes a heated garage. Gore only has 4 more rooms and lives in a less severe climate yet he uses 3 times the electricity I do. I also get better gas mileage in any one of the many cars I drive. My new land yacht is up to three lance corporals a day and the only thing the Porsche can't pass is a gas station.

We may be speeding up climate change or we may not be. That climate is going to change no matter what we do. I enjoy my toys. I'm not going to apologize to Al Gore or any other fucking limousine liberal for not wanting to ride the bus anymore. I'm especially not going to apologize for wanting something comfortable to commute in since Gore and his ilk have done nothing but make housing more unaffordable. That's a story for another day but it involves David Blood from Goldman Sachs, REITs and something I like to call 'Liars Poker.'

This from here.

Don't forget this.

And finally, I remind you that Gore told people to stop using CD's and just download music from iTunes because CD's are made from oil. Gore sits on Apple's board of directors. iPods use a lot of ZINC in their manufacture. Gore owns a zinc mine. It's across the lake from his megamansion. And he's suspiciously silent on the subject of DVD's which are still EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME AS CD's now that he has a movie he want's you to buy a copy of.

Junk

Yes, I know the spanky new website is down. New firmware on router refuses to port forward now. Can't get old firmware to fix.

I have nothing to say about The Bin Laden Trades.

Or this.

My leg feels better. Barney seems to have forgiven me.

Pop Goes The American Dream

2 weeks ago I applied for a home mortgage with LendingTree. I did it mostly because I'm curious what a teacher is worth. I know roughly $46K is a dollar value but it's just a number this year, it goes up every year thanks to the union and DOE regulations. Now a teacher is considered one of the big three professions. You always hear Doctor Lawyer Teacher as the gold standard of professional status. Throw in the fact that this is going to be my first home, my FICA is over 700 and I have 10% down. I also own my car and have no student loans (I am carrying a large balance on my credit card but it is coming down now that I'm working.) One would think that I could get a loan for whatever I asked for. Not so. I asked for $300,000 which is the low end of the price for a single family detached within 10 miles of the school I teach at. There were fewer then 20 houses on MLS to choose from. I got two calls, not the 3 advertised. One offered me $94,000 and the other never called me back.

Now I know there are lots of complaints about LendingTree but I thought they'd be a good ballpark estimate. Perhaps if I went to the bank I'd have a better idea of my financial prospects. I'm going to leap to conclusions anyway.

A teacher, considered one of the pillar of the community jobs* can't get a loan on their salary to purchase a home in the community they work in. That's fucked up. It's not like there's no money in the system to loan, $400 billion dollars is a lot to inflate the currency supply with. That's pretty damn close to half a trillion. So I should be getting that loan right?

Who's going to give a loan now? It seems that there are no mortgage houses left standing. All that money with no one willing to hand it out.

A couple years ago Lisa tried to get in with some bankers to handle their forclosure listings. Nothing came of it. Now you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a house in preforclosure and Lisa is still only representing buyers. Looks like the banks have to come to her now. There are some folks who will survive the market and end up with a lovely home. They'll never get back what they paid for it but people pay 3 times in mortgage interest anyway. What they sell it for will just be a number to boast about. Only Baby Boomers who bought a house for $15,000 in 1970 will actually make money on top of what they paid in mortgage interest. It's too bad the dollar they sell their house for isn't worth what it was in 1970. The rest of us are screwed. In the mean time, there is no middle class left when a married, college educated, pillar of the community professional can't get a loan to purchase a 2 bedroom house on 10,000 square feet of land.

American dream? I'm dreaming about moving to Croatia. By the way, that house would have cost $60,000 a year ago, it works out to $120K today.

What kind of job prospects can I expect in Eastern Europe? It turns out that Croatia is desperate for teachers that speak english. I'll bet the banks there would be happy to give me a loan especially since I'll have a 35% down payment. And for those Americans who don't know where Croatia is it's two countries north of Greece on the coast of that splash of water just behind Italy's knee. And for those Americans who think it's dangerous there. The civil war is over. Serbia, Croatia and Bosnia are all joining the EU. They've got no place to go but up.



*(not my words, one of the mortgage brokers called it that.)

Brave New World

According to this the mainstream media is still under the impression that we're under no threat from deadly small pox because there are only two sources in the world that are closely guarded.

Which is more dangerous? Conspiracy theories on the internet or staggering ignorance within the so called credible journalism found in the mainstream media?

One doctor has shown that it is a trivial matter to synthesize nearly extinct viral particles from nucleotides sitting in a jar on the benchtop. Another has shown us how easy it is to increase the lethality of such a pathogen.

It's a good thing we don't sell do it yourself DNA fabrication kits to any asshole with a credit card.

Bull Fucking Shit

No asshole. Americans want to be left the fuck alone.

But Will My Tinfoil Hat Protect Me From The CIA?

Good news for the government and rapists. (I know there's little difference.) Now we can erase memories like in some bad science fiction movie. This is why I was never really comfortable in grad school. They say 'blah blah blah cure alzheimer's blah blah blah' but what they really fund is increased social control and brainwashing technique.

Once I put this in the drinking water everyone will forget about that stolen election and happily serve up their children to die in my illegal war. It's the perfect plan!