Sunday, March 23, 2008


By the way, I have bad news. Lisa miscarried. I’m not devastated. I’m actually rather excited. This is the closest we’ve gotten in a long time. It can happen. We’re not done yet.


But it does work if I cut and paste into the window.



Sunday, March 16, 2008

നോ Title

വാട്ട് ദ ഫുച്ക് ഈസ് റോങ്ങ് വിത്ത് ബ്ലോഗ്ഗര്?

Monday, March 10, 2008

൨ Things

Make up your mind. Either it's the worse vehicle on the road or the best!

I'm happy with mine. I'd like to know where the leak is coming from though. Hopefully it's the radiator. Only because I'm expecting that bill after pulling a tree out of it.

While it's on my mind... These two quotes are basically saying the same thing, right?

"Why ­ of course the people don't want war. Why should some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece? Naturally the common people don't want war neither in Russia, nor in England, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood.

But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it
is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a
fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger.

It works the same in any country."

"To sit back hoping that someday, someway, someone will make things right ­ is to go on feeding the crocodile, hoping he will eat you last ­ but eat you he will."

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Sunday, March 09, 2008

Lazy Sunday

Every Sunday morning Lisa and I drink our coffee in bed and watch Saturday Night Live from the night before. The writers strike has made this show infinitely funnier, NOT! Schwing! Every Sunday it's the same thing. Lisa and I wake up. I start the VCR. Lisa asks me to pause it and wait for her to come back. She goes off to do god knows what. I stop the recording and find something on the TV that I'm not going to mind turning off when she comes back. This morning I stopped surfing on something called Beauty and the Geek. It's some low budget reality show that I really liked when it was called Ordinary Joe or some crap like that.

The show seems to be about nerdy guys living with strippers. The most socially inept losers had to pair off with absolute filthy sluts to win prizes or new tits or bragging rights at the next cosplay convention. I wasn't really paying attention. Except to this one girl who was introduced as having $8,000 breast augmentation surgery before they actually announced her name. As if $4,000 a tit was more important than a womans soul. Anyway this not quite fake plaything (she kept her natural hair color, I think) had dreams of being more than just filler during 'Legs n Eggs.' She announced her dream in life was "to be an aspiring Playboy model."

That's where my head asploded. Let me say that again. She wanted to be an ASPIRING Playboy model.

How the fuck do you want to be a Playboy model and not pull it off. (forgive the pun) Most girls just have to show up in Chicago or LA and faster than Sammy Hagar can say 'wango tango' they're knees to the sky with Brett Michaels or Adrian Zmed or that guy from "Full House" that Alanis Morrisette wrote that song about. Especially if you're the recent beneficiary of a boob job that cost more than the average Playboy reader makes in a year after taxes. Full disclosure here. I gave up reading Playboy when I realized the pictures were all girls old enough to be my daughter and BMW motorcycles turned into coffee tables or a Bang & Olufsen stock market ticker tape machine. There wasn't a single thing in that magazine that I could afford. I miss the dirty jokes though. Maybe someone will email me some.

So this poor girl shows every American awake at the ungodly hour of 7AM on Sunday that there are two failures in her life. Her failure to reach the dream of becoming a Playboy model and her fathers failure to offer her some simple dignity.

I want daughters. I hope I can do better.

I haven't had a drink in 7 days.

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Monday, March 03, 2008

You Thought I Was A Crazy Cat Daddy

Lisa is pregnant.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

My Head Asplode

Let me get this straight.

There's a movie called National Lampoon's College Road Trip.

It stars Martin Lawrence.

It's rated G.


Cold Dead Hands

A very good friend of mine just gave his bride a small pistol as a wedding gift. She gave him a big sword. The firearm was a Walther something. I don't know much about guns. I don't need to. I live in a safe little bubble free of confrontation and securely removed from the bad side of town. I don't have to worry much about crime in my neighborhood. The buses don't run out here. You have to have the means to afford a house and a car to live here. That puts a mountain range that only elephants can cross between me and the Mongol hordes of tweakers and welfare cheats looking to kick in my front door and grab my wife's jewelery box. It's simply too cold and far to walk and by the time someones lifestyle grinds them into petty thievery they've lost the car if they even had one to begin with.

So I live out here un-armed with enough food to last 3 weeks and water to last 3 days if something goes wrong. I have enough gas on hand to drive a week of my regular habits. I have enough oil to last 3 weeks but the system depends on electricity to run. If there's a blackout I have what I need to turn the lawnmower into a crude enough generator to keep the HVAC system going. I have enough propane to heat one room for one week. I'm surrounded by trees and swamps. I could probably keep myself, Lisa and her grandfather alive 10 days if society collapsed outright. That's if the lower class doesn't get hungry enough to walk over here. I have too many sliding glass doors and low windows to protect this place from even a slow moving zombie attack.

In any event, if I had a gun or even a dozen, I wouldn't be able to defend my Bastile from an army of similarly armed and hungry neighbors. A gun would be worth having to defend myself from one determined criminal but not swarms. And a gun certainly wouldn't protect my family from this. But they are fun. They make a big noise and you see holes open up in a target or cans fall over. They make a big difference to those who live closer to the criminal element or have to deliver pizza or staff the grave yard shift at 7-11. I'm very in favor of letting 'the help' have guns.

I often wonder if it would be wise to arm teachers since the epidemic of school shootings is such a great meme right now. I wouldn't have a problem taking the training and openly carrying a side arm. America has a longstanding tradition with offering the duties of a sheriffs deputy to the local citizenry when needed. I see no real difference between myself and our school resource officer who carries her sidearm into school every day. However if you ask me, if I would draw my weapon on a child and fire my answer would be where his weapon was pointed would make all the difference in the world. If it was pointed at me, probably not. I would talk. If the weapon was pointed at another child than yes I think I would fire and feel remorse afterwards.

A lot of people see this picture and think that guy has balls. I see the compassion in that first tank drivers heart. I know my friends in the military are smart and decent people. I don't think they'd turn fire on me if ordered. Not even if their commander in chief was a total douchebag. That tank driver didn't want to harm his countryman. It's a different story when your enemy are foreigners.

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