Thursday, February 28, 2008

The Curse of the Flying Hellfish

See Mike, it really does exist!

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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Hey, Mom. Is That Kid Me?

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Monday, February 25, 2008

It's All Fun And Games Until The HOA Complains To The Building Inspector About Your Lack Of Permits

I almost wish I didn't hate snow so much because this sounds like good clean fun. At least until the dog poop melts.

OK, who here thinks the beer cases aren't random junk picked up by the plows but left over from one of the swim teams "celebrations."

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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Good News Everybody

A little common sense. And to those opponents who think the cops won't be able to tell those defending themselves from the criminal shooter I have two things to say (well three actually.)

1 fuck you

2 What makes you think the gunfight will still be going on 7 minutes later when the police actually do arrive?

3 The police, when they do bother to show up, will know that those lawful and legal firearms owners who are defending themselves are not the criminal shooter when they put their weapons down after the police arrive.

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Sunday, February 17, 2008

One More Reason Why I Hate Google

View Larger MapWhy can't Google Maps show me labels in English? I spent ten minutes trying to figure out how to get Google to show me maps in my language before I gave up. It's nice that they show the maps in the local languages but fuck off. There's a point where annoying becomes more than useless.

They Need To Publicise These Better

Creature Double Feature! March 2nd '08 No word on what the movies will be yet. And this one breaks tradition and airs on Sunday not Saturday. Still Ernie Boch is A-OK in my book!

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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

All Hat No Cattle

OK Wikipedia is not the least bit credible but there's something especially wrong with an encyclopedia that has more to say about a ball player than the man who ripped open physics and made the future possible.

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Monday, February 11, 2008

Swanky Mo's Rocked!

Top 10 fake movie or video game rock bands:

Honorable Mentions A, B, C & At 5:01 in this one... That's exactly how I get into my car when I leave for work every morning.

10 Blender Children - Tapeheads These guys have got to be the blueprint that Rockstar Video Games followed for #7.

9 The Pussycats - The Adventures of Ford Fairlane Jack and Jill went up a hill each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two fifty. Ohhh! OK so it has nothing to do with the Pussycats. Most people don't know that's Mr Clay sampled in the first note. Really, though. #9 should have been The Commitments.

8 Josie & The Pussycats - Josie & The Pussycats I liked it when they were trapped in outer space and every episode they almost made it home.

7 Love Fist - Grand Theft Auto Vice City Just go here for lyrics.

6 Limozeen - But why are they in space? It makes no sense!

5 Timmy & The Lords Of The Underworld - South Park Living a lie!

4 The Band That Played California Lady - Mystery Science Theater 3000 Way better and funnier parody of VH1's behind the music than 'Needs more cowbell.'

3 Tijuana Tokyo - 8 Is Enough Proof that if you're on a hit show the producers and writers will bend over backwards to indulge your fantasies no matter how craptastic you are. Thank the Grand Architect that this hasn't hit YouTube yet. It would be exactly like the kind of car accident that I can't take my eyes off of. Anyway it's bad enough I have this and this occupying the two brain cells that will probably survive my appetite for carbon, nitrogen, hydrogen and oxygen . They'll probably be my only memories as I drool into my oatmeal.

2 The Monkees - The Monkees Hey Hey we're actually pretty good musicians.

1 Spinal Tap - This Is Spinal Tap How much more black can it be? None. None more black! It's too bad for those Live8 assholes that global warming turned out to be a bigger joke. Kind of a pathetic coda to what was one of the greatest movies ever. Proof you should quit while you're ahead!

0 I leave you with this. It's the definition of suck.

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Sunday, February 10, 2008


Maybe now I can buy Lawn Darts!

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Monday, February 04, 2008

Hey, How Was Your Weekend Dean?

Hey, Thanks for asking.

Pretty good. Thanks to the news media in the United States prattling on about about a game that's rife with more homo eroticism than I'm comfortable with. (What the fuck was up with the racist panda bear?) I'm living my life blissfully unaware of the fact that muther fucking lies are being told about why much of the middle east was knocked off the internet.

A ship dragged anchor and broke the internet in 3 seperate places. Well I just might as well grow a gaping wet pussy. There's no Captain Muhommed Hazelwood that inept as to drag anchor through two cables or three.

Sure there's the obvious Iranian Oil Bourse that the Bush Crime Family is war on terrified of. That's motive enough for me to believe the conspiracy theories.

What truly bothers me is this:

Why the good muther fucking god damn did our covert attack on the middle east knock out AT&T Edge service in the midwest at the same time?

I just want to scream at the top of my lungs.


AT&T and Verizon, the American operators, also said their networks had also been affected by the break, but weren't able to give details.

Why the fuck not? I would think that if my iPhone service depended on routing my data through Iran Cingular/AT&T would have a good reason and know why they're doing it. This can't end well for me. Or probably you.

While I'm at it, what was up with the puking baby? I would much rather see boobies during the Super Bowl than puking baby vulgarity. Next year I expect Two Girls One Cup selling me State Farms Insurance.

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Sunday, February 03, 2008

Sounds Like A Great Idea To Me

Why not. It's not like there's such a thing as a slippery slope. Just before they outlawed smoking in bars MADD got several judgements against reason and personal accountability by backing successful lawsuits against bartenders who trusted their patrons to make their own decisions.

I think it's a great idea to force people who scrape out a meager living depending on the good will called tips to call their best customers fatties and kick them out. It will be one more in a long list of laws that will be ignored to the point that respect for legitimate law and order will be a sad joke on us all.

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