Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Happy Fathers Day

If life begins at conception, Lisa and I have Six babies. Only three will be implanted next month. But still, there are six healthy, viable embrios sitting in a bath of liquid nitrogen so no matter what the outcome after the implantation surgery we will have at least concieved children. We're that much closer.

Which Came First?

Lisa had her ovaries handed to her yesterday and is still not feeling well. The egg retrieval procedure was successful beyond all our wildest expectations so far. I overheard the couple in the recovery room next to us, they retrieved 5 eggs for In Vitro Fertalization. Lisa, produced 30. The procedure was double plus uncomfortable and since this was her first trip to the hospital ever Lisa was more un-nerved then anything. Her recovery wasn't as quick as expected but she's doing fine now.

Lisa's experiences with drugs and alcohol are best compared with the 'Absolutely Fabulous' character Saffron if you consider my appetites to be on par with Patsy. So when she got shot up with Demerol and Fentanyl (both a form of synthetic heroin) she unloaded all her anxiety, which delayed our departure. Some folks just can't handle their high. Then again it doesn't take much for even the most experienced hedonist to loose their nut over a dish full of prawns.

Lisa's Grandfather asked about what's going on. We had been vague about her treatments for the last few months. Gossip within the family is brutal. He was really worried when Lisa didn't come out of bed for hours yesterday. I finally had to tell him that she was in the hospital to remove egg follips from her ovaries. He shut his eyes and waived his hands "Don't tell me anymore!" Now all we have to do to deflect questions is just say "ovaries". I can understand his concern, especially after losing a son over 20 years ago. You can tell him she's fine but that doesn't mean he won't worry about losing her. I know we're to blame for worrying him after having been so vague but ultimately it will be better to simply tell him we're pregnant then explain to him what we're going through to get there. It's been close to three years just to get this far.

Lisa's been in bed now for the last day and will probaby stay for another. As for my part in all of this. Nothing kills the mood like having to time when you masturbate and then top it off with a special office suite just for that activity. I didn't want to touch anything in that room, starting with myself. Although 'Asian Assault' was quite good.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

668 Neighbor Of The Beast

Happy Birthday to me.

Monday, May 29, 2006


So that's why gradschool didn't work out. At least things between Lisa and me rock! Frankly, that's more important. No posts for a few days. Tuesday is the big In Vitro day. The first half, retreval. We have to wait another month for implantation. Lisa's hormones are all over the map and they need to be brought down to baseline before implantation. Things look good and if the p-shell electrons that don't pass through the node smile upon me, we'll be looking at a March Due Date. But then again, I'm counting my chickens before they run.

See you at trivia.

Sunday, May 28, 2006


No Danica Patrick lesbian kiss fantasy for me.


I have nothing more to add to this then just say that they would have to fight dirty and gang up on me to get the better of me.

For One Brief Moment, It Was Glorious

Out back, stretched between two trees in a sunny spot, I have a hammock. All winter long I've been dreaming about the first sunny day that I could lie about with a beer and do nothing. Today that day was today. For an hour I lay out there with a beer in my hand, an empty head and a song in my heart, blissful in my serene peace. Then I got up to take a leak. When I went back to resume hammocking the treacherous machination gave way and dropped me and my hapless beer to the ground. I am remarkably unharmed. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for the Samual Adams Boston Lager which shared my journey to the ground. The hammock, much like my beer and my dream, is a total loss.

Off to the Hammock District I go!

Saturday, May 27, 2006

I So Totally Want To See That!

I love meaningless American traditions. Memorial Day is upon us and that means two things, The Indy 500 and every classic radio station in the country counting down the top 500 songs of all time. I think this is a 'Freebird' year with 'Stairway To Heaven' topping out the #1 spot last year. As for the car race, each year the Indy 500 Queen kisses the winner and this year Danica Patrick is who I'm rooting for.

Friday, May 26, 2006

My Philosophy

I'm not a libertarian. I am a Massachusetts Republican. Which means I don't want to be taxed so that some third world baby factory can get welfare but I don't mind it if my less then affluent peers get their fiscally crippling medical bills covered. I also think drugs are a better source of tax revenue then as a reason for building up a tremendous prison labor pool. I think abortion is murder but realize a little murder goes a long way toward preventing a great deal more misery further down the line. On that front I'd support welfare paying for Seasonale so we don't have to kill any babies in the first place. (I've probably offended two of my closest friends just now. Sorry about that. I still love you, I hope you can forgive me.) I'm pro death penalty but only in the most bullet proof of cases and after a lengthy appeals process. (Perhaps two trials or a jury of 24 or even 36 with a 3/4 instead of unanamous decision, to make it fair for both sides.) I don't believe a man is a rapist because he's a man and some woman said so. I believe a man deserves the same anymnity a woman gets in the press when rape allegations are made but no trial has yet to conclude guilt. I do believe anyone found guilty of rape by a court, not by the Dean's office or Human Resources Department deserves the harshest treatment possible. I don't believe what someone does with their own property is anyone elses business unless it damages the neighbors property. Go ahead and park a car on blocks and paint the house neon green and purple just do something about the god damned weeds in the lawn before they prove how invasive they are in my lawn.

Most of all I don't want to over tax and regulate and nanny state businesses straight out of the Commonwealth. I want to put my money where my mouth is and say windmills are good, a couple towers in the salt marshes aren't going to dry up the wetlands and it beats having the largest employer in town deciding to go to a state that doesn't care about the environmnet. The blue salamanders are never coming back and the turtles aren't endangered anymore. It's time to admit much of the EPA and the ESA is bullshit designed to keep property owners from fully utilizing their property without having the neighbors cough up the money to buy it out from under them.

I also don't care about what homosexuals do so long as the gay men don't do it in front of me and the lesbians let me watch.

You clicked on the lesbian link didn't you!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

A Moment Of Clarity

It doesn't bother me that Mexicans come here. What bothers me is that we let so god damned many criminals and uneducatible come in then cast a blind eye to the havoc that they wreak. At the same time, the Feds harass any other foreigners who are educated, speak English, want to contribute and have ties to citizens, many of them through marriage. I know two highly skilled and employed American citizens who had to wait years for their wives to be allowed an entry visa because they wanted them to come here legally. One of these women has a PhD and she was the mother of an American citizen and they still wouldn't let her in without the direct involvement by a US Senator. Both men make over $100 grand a year so it's not like their wives had to work once they got within our border for the family to survive. I know another woman from Japan who was college educated in the US who wanted to come back here after she had returned home to Japan. She ended up an indentured slave to an H1-B visa. She's married to an American citizen now and yet she faces deportation if she leaves her job. How about giving out some amnesty to these folks who want to contribute and then we'll talk about letting Tuberculosis and Plague ridden uneducated criminals stay.

Or the government can let me drive around with no car insurance in a car with a phony inspection sticker, cause accidents and then let me skip out on paying my medical bills. That sounds like a sweet deal. I'm getting shafted for having been born here. Maybe I should go to Mexico and see if they put up with that kind of crap.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Give Me Liberty Or Nanny Me Until It's Unbearable

So many things have been bothering me I don't even know where to begin. For a couple months now I've been working on my definitive position on illegal immigration. I start and stop and edit and junk the whole thing and start again. The issue is too complex for one blog post but several postings will lessen any impact my position may hold. However there is one aspect that really cheeses me off.


The idea that so many people have broken the law that it's not worth it to the government to enforce it and so we should just let all the criminals stay if they promise to not to break anymore laws. That's a great idea.

It seems to be a trend where if no one obeys the law and there's a buck to be made, Congress should just let it become all legal. It's a fine idea. More liberty for all so long as there's a tax revenue to be made.

One of the major heath reasons against marajuana has been debunked by no less than a respected authority then Scientific American. I seem to remember a highschool assembly where we were told that cigarettes had a filter and protected you from tar and that was why you shouldn't smoke pot. Or some such thing. I don't really remember, I was drunk at the time. I think lung cancer is caused by a lot more then just cigarettes. In fact, when we run out of oil I bet lung cancer rates will drop off dramatically. I'm not saying a pack a day isn't bad for you but I'm not convinced that cig's are the sole reason why there are so many lung cancer patients in the industrial world. So if there's no health reason not to smoke the wakky tobakky and the US Government is so willing to forgive criminals when there's a buck to be made why are drugs still illegal?

And how many more murders have to be committed before Congress lets us all get away with that too?

Tuesday, May 23, 2006


The President of the United States is a minute man.

Am I the only person who noticed that during last nights 2 hour season finale of '24' the clock showed the president and his wife getting ready to have sex at 5:58am and then at 6:00am they were putting their clothes back on. Perhaps if we had a week to forget the minor details that continuity error wouldn't have been so glairing. I'm sure when scripted they didn't think it would be a 2 hour finale.

I'm not going to watch next season. I know I say that every season. This time I mean it.

Monday, May 22, 2006

From The Salem Evening News Today

I for one welcome our new Turkey Overlords.

cut-n-pasted because Salem Eve News online kills stories after one day. I claim fair use.

Wild turkey population continues to grow

(single page view)
(view as multiple pages)
By Alan Burke
Staff writer

Get ready to scream like a maniac

The state's wild turkey population is growing, according to experts from Mass Wildlife. And yelling and throwing things is exactly what you need to do in response.


This comes even as some locals have begun to wonder if the turkey population is in decline here. West Peabody's Ann Birkner, for example, used to see so many turkeys gathering on Goodale Street that the stubborn birds stopped traffic. That isn't happening anymore

"I don't know where they are," she says. "They must have left West Peabody for a better place."

It seems more likely that they've become adapted to suburban ways, more discreet, less eager to flash those gaudy feathers at every passing car. In his travels across Danvers, Patrolman Daniel Kenneally hasn't seen an increase in turkeys — but he hasn't seen a decrease either.

"They're all over the place," he says. "It's not uncommon to see a turkey every day." Not that he's worried about it. "If you leave them alone, they're fine."

Peabody's Parks Director Dick Walker said the turkey population might be more dispersed.

"They may be getting driven from one place to another, probably by coyotes." Which is saying something because pushing turkeys around isn't an easy thing to do.

"They're pretty obstinate birds," Walker chuckles. "They're not going to get out of the way for a car."

The coyote population has increased, agrees Mariam Larson, a biologist with the Division of Fisheries and Wildlife. And that has had an impact on the turkey population. But it isn't much of an impact.

Volunteer observers across the state are telling state wildlife officials that the wild turkey population appears to be growing despite the coyotes , even in suburban areas like the North Shore.

Which is a problem, Larson said.

"We need to keep wild things wild," he said.

Free meals tossed by residents have led to turkeys losing their fear of people — a potentially dangerous situation, especially for turkeys.

But you can help, she said.

"What we are suggesting is that every now and then you should run out and scare them to death. ... Go out there and shout at them. Throw things. Run at them like a crazy maniac."

Otherwise, she worries, turkeys begin to think that people are turkeys. Then they get aggressive.

When humans approach, strutting toms want to establish right away who's boss bird, which can be painful.

"You know the term pecking order?" Larson asked. "It's literally true."

Spring is the mating season, another reason why fewer turkeys might be in evidence, she says — they're busy. But the recent cold and rain could have an impact on the population for the future because it tends to limit the number of hatched chicks.

Additionally, there is a hunting season for wild turkeys.

"And they taste great," Larson said.

When they first appeared on local streets several years ago, officials at Mass Wildlife dismissed the phenomenon as an aberration. The birds were then believed to be among a flock of wild turkeys raised in captivity and illegally released. Officials promised they would be unable to cope with the hectic pace of suburban life and all would be dead in a year.

That didn't happen.

Instead, wild turkeys, those born in the wild, have done something no one expected them to do — learned to live with and off of people.

They might be called turkeys, Larsen observes, "but wild turkeys are smart."

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Bwaaahh Haaaahh Haaaaaa

Yesterday I got accused of blogging from another planet. Then I read this. The gyst is that the Baby Boomer Generation is betting on the sale of real estate to fund their retirement. That's assuming some foresighted bankers don't look at all the aging Boomers and think, "No way in hell am I going to float a mortgage on a house that can only lose value". Boomers need to learn 2 basic rules of economics:

1 Price is directly influenced by demand
2 An item is only worth what someone is willing or able to pay for it

Who's going to buy all those houses when the Boomers start dieing off? Especially in those communities that are 55+ so that property tax is reduced if they don't allow children. Certainly not Gen X. There are about 10% fewer of us. To me that spells a 10% reduction in demand. I can't buy their houses from them and pay 10% more in social security taxes to support them. Perhaps they shouldn't have aborted 1/4th of my generation. There would be more sholders to support the burden.

Then again they did kill all the criminals.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

What Exactly Does "Avast" Mean Anyway?

Our protectors of freedom over at the RIAA are picking fights with satellite radio XM and Sirius. This got me thinking. Can someone tell me exactly why a satellite radio station needs to respect international copyright in the first place? It's like the old Thunderbirds episode where Rick 'PTWANG' O'Shea is trapped in space on his pirate radio satellite, happily broadcasting music to the world for a modest profit in advertising revenues. So with international finance and communications the way they are, a small nation of english speaking natives, perhaps on an island somewhere, could fund their whole government with a small satellite playing XM style broadcasts without a monthly fee. Or if without commercials by charging 1/10th what the big boys do. They could sell a yearly unique unlock code for each radio. Perhaps making payments over the net the way the online casinos do.

They would be free from harassment in the US courts. There'd be nothing the RIAA could do about a satellite unless the US wanted to admit to surface to space satellite killer missiles. Consumers would have some choice and "The Man" gets it stuck to.

Fuck'em if they can't take a joke.

Friday, May 19, 2006

It Might Not Be Too Late

The last male pygmy rabbit died yesterday. Now I'm basically a problem solver at heart. I don't claim to be a microbiologist or neuroscientist or smart guy or anything but I do know that when an animal dies not every cell in the body dies at the same time. While the rabbit was still warm it may have been possible, if some quick thinking veterinarian was "on the ball", to harvest live viable sperm cells and cryopreserve them until invitro fertalization is possible on the remaining two live females.

In other news, the countdown to our own invitro fertalization begins today. I'll let you all know how it turns out. You'll probably be able to guess one way or the other around September. If I forget to update you all, like I did with the Ben Stiller quiz.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Not So Fast

OK no water in our basement. Aside from the garden we escaped the storm just fine. The sun came out and thinking we were in the clear we got the phone call.

I should fill in some backstory. Lisa's 85 year old grandfather still has one apartment (besides the inlaws suite in our basement). It's a double decker on the highest crime street in Beverly. It was his mothers and when she died she left it to him and his sister evenly. Last July he put us in charge of managing his unit. It's pretty easy except it isn't. The tennent we inherited from when Lisa's greatgrandmother lived in the building and rented out the apartment is a crank. He's been there over 20 years. Last summer he left town for 2 months and his son was arrested for selling cocaine. The rent didn't get paid for three months while he was gone and the boy was in prison (parole violation). The police did a lot of damage to the doors serving the warrent. There's also some water damage from the apartment upstairs in the bathroom ceiling. The tennent is a carpenter and to help him out we gave him a break on the past due rent if he fixed the damages within the month. We had a contract written out. We went back a month later to see the progress and there was none except he bought a new door. He told us it was $300. Fine, I don't care. I asked for the reciept for the taxes and he exploded at me. Called me a liar and threw me out of the apartment. Now I love a fight so I told him we still need to talk about the rent and the work he agreed to do but didn't. Long story short, the cops were involved. The door was $180. I don't like being lied to. Things have been ugly between us ever since. He's constantly late with the rent, we have to chase him down every month. The new door sits in a box in the dining room.

This brings us up to Tuesday night. We get a call that there's no hot water. We find out that he's been at his daughters during the storm and the basement flooded. Wednesday morning we go take a look. He locked us out of his half of the basement but we get the other tennent to let us into theirs. The high water mark was about 4 inches and it had drained down to about 2 by then. We figure it will keep draining and eventually we'll be able to get the pilot light relit. We call the tennent and explain what needs to be done.

There's no real end to the story except to say don't count your chickens before they've hatched. Lisa's aunt knew about the water but didn't bother to call us for a heads up. During the storm we figured if there was a problem with the apartment we'd hear from the tennent. So now instead of enjoying the sunshine I'm stuck dealing with a cranky tennent who abandonned his apartment during the worse storm in 70 years and now want's us to jump to attention because he came home to a mess. Top it all off, the sewers one street over from the apartment exploded this morning. It's gonna be a bright bright sunshiney day.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

It's Too Bad You Can't Drink And Drive

Here's a fun new drinking game. Drive around Massachusetts and Southern New Hampshire. Every time you see carpeting out for the trash pickup drink one shot. Every pump hose running out a basement is one shot. If the pump is still running, drink a shot for every day since the end of the rainstorm.

You could do it walking but Drunk In Public is also a crime in these parts. Perhaps renting a party bus is the way to go with this game.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


No politics today. No complaining. No prattle about the cat. The sun is out for the first time in seven days. Everyone have a happy day.

Monday, May 15, 2006

One More Thing

Even though the street leading to the highway is flooded 2 feet over the road and the swamps around here are 6 feet deeper then the usual foot deep, Lisa and I are nice and dry. We're sitting on ledge about 10 feet above the swamps. Rainwater is running off into the swamp nicely. Although the windows are leaking around the seals. Crappy McMansions!!! If only we had a way to store up all this water and feed it back to the lawn all summer...

My garden is dead.

So That's Why My Eyes Fell Out

We interrupt this blog with the following important announcement.

Bausch & Lomb have announced a global recall of ReNu brand contact lens disinfectant containing 'MoistureLoc' technology. I happen to have a couple bottles sitting right here and it appears that the MoistureLoc is a solution of poloxamer, polyquaternium-10 and alexidine. Frankly I'm not so sure there's any appreciable difference between ReNu with or without MoistureLoc. It sounds to me like an excuse to change the packaging and add a buck to the price. Consumers always fall for new packaging and a longer list of ingredients. Now I'm not saying Bausch & Lomb have ripped anyone off here. I'm sure they tested the product and found it to be safe for human consumption in lab conditions. The FDA concluded that ReNu wasn't contaminated or caused the fungus problem, just contributed to the likelihood of increasing the chances of getting eyeball fungus. It's just one of those things that couldn't be anticipated or accounted for until it occurred in the field. As for Bausch & Lomb, they did what they were supposed to do. They pulled the product and have been very transparent during the investigation. There have only been about a hundred ReNu users who have contracted the fungus. It will be cheap, in corporate terms, to just settle with each individual with a valid complaint. I don't foresee any debilitating class action. Merely scaring customers is very different from actually harming them. Right now would be a great time to purchase stock in B&L. Contact lens solutions aren't their only product and the rest of the company is extremely strong. They were over $80 before the scandal broke. They're at a 40% discount today. Act now. Offers this good won't last.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Oh Yeah,

If anyone cares the Ben Stiller puzzle was the movies all had covert surveilance as a plot device.

Ahhh Yassah. Der's Other Ways About Learn'in Bout The Behind Feet Of The Mule Without Be'in Kicked By Em

Teachers test? Why thank you for asking. Thermodynamics question that just plum got on top of my chest and started beat'in on me the last time? They plum jes din'nt bother bout askin. All my fancy book learn'n went for nuttin. Ask me about some Gibbs Free Energy and the 3 and a half laws of thermodynamics and I jes smile and tell you about the zeroth law and then about enthalpy and the conservation of energy and then some entropy and top it all off with some absolute zero entropy constant nonsense. I's all prepared and then they jus shucked me a new ear of corn. Stead they's jes gave me exactly the same 80 multiple choice questn's as last time. Then two new essay questn's about nuttin. First essay was about theoretical yield verses actual yield and what the percent yield means to both and why they don't quite add up to nuttin. I recon that that's what they teach in the second week of freshman chemistry. Second essay was to label the parts of a Bunsen Burner and explain what's goin on wit chall and how not to hurt oneself wid'it. So I popped me some fancy champagne when I got homestead and now I'm off to watch a bootleg copy of my favrite Disnee Cartoon.

Hand Feels Better

Hand is feeling better. Teachers test today, mothers day tomorrow. Rain all week is flooding the swamps around the house, neighbor is almost going to flood his basement and other neighbor is losing his back yard. Also my garden is dieing. Don't know why. Maybe it's karma.

Cat is pissed off that there haven't been any birds for him to watch or sunny spot to lie in all week.

Dave, is there an easy way for the Macintosh to convert AVI files to be played on my DVD player? My TV set's DVD player not the SuperDrive in the PowerBook. Preferably lossless.

Two week torrent DL of Max Headroom finally ended. Got season 1 and 2!!! Yes I broke the law but fuck em if they don't want to sell it to me legally. Copyright is meant to protect the authors ability to sell their craft not hoard away things they'd like to forget about. If they're not selling it then I haven't denied them revenue.

Copyright really should be 'use it or lose it'. It should not be extended out to 100 years after the authors death so their great great grandchildren can rake American culture over the coals for one more dollar. Or for a company embarrassed by their founders racism to hide items of considerable cultural signifigance and then stand there whistling with hands in pocket.

Friday, May 12, 2006


Burned hand cooking. Badly. Can't type for few days. Can't finish Fridays post as promised. Look for it Monday. Teachers test again tomorrow. I know all about Gibbs Free Energy now. Watch, they won't ask this time.

Lucky that burn is left hand. Can still use #2 pencil since I'm a righty.

Update: The problem isn't the burns themselves, they're not that large. What really makes it hurt is they're exactly where I burned my fingers taking hot baking pans out of the dishwasher last week. The skin is dry and chapped already and the burns from the skillet are much deeper then they would have been if my hands weren't already messed up. There's no buffer between the epidermis and subdermis anymore and the burn was basically straight to the subdermis. 16 hours later and they still hurt like a bastard. I mostly can't type with two hands because I don't want burn cream all over my PowerBook not because the hand is useless. I'm sure I'll feel better later but for now It just hurts like a son of a bitch.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Ummm Yeah. We're Gonna Need You To Move Your Desk Back...

This is what happens when I am too tired to post during the week. I explode a whole week at once.

Welcome to Filler Town.

I'm busy spending this week looking for a job.

I think this is Thursdays post. Look forward to a post about either my cat or Mexicans on Friday. Whatever it ends up being, I'll post the other on Monday.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Or Wednesdays Post On Sunday. Whatever. Jesse Sucks Donkey Balls!!!

Wow!!! When did I start looking like the fat percocet addicted Chandler Bing from Friends? Dammit!!! I've lost 40 pounds since Christmas.

I need more speed.

Snakes On A Plane!!!! I don't even remember that picture being taken.

I Know This Is Tuesday's Post On Sunday


I suck.

Give me a call.



Editors Note: The Mike that doesn't wear womens clothes. Unless "The Kurz" has some habits I don't know about.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

You Asked For It

OK, I'm really going to generate enemies for this. By request, here's the post I put up last week and immediately regretted. One of the lesbians was curious and I've never refused a lesbian anything. Did I mention I drink like a Kennedy?

Every time I see that picture of the woman screaming at Kent State a few things come to mind. The first is I just want to tell her to lighten up. The second one is I wonder what her major is. The third is, I wonder where that Vietnamese general with the pistol is, he's shooting the wrong hippy in the head. The fourth is, "Hey, nice camel toe." And the fith is, did they ever find that Edward Munch painting that got stolen?

I know, I'm going to hell. At least I'm not naked and on fire.

And for the record, check out Rodney Anonymous's reply to this.

Posted by Dean ASC to Dean Rules! at 4/29/2006 08:04:00 PM

Sunday, May 07, 2006

A Rich Fantasy Life

My hit counter has been disappointing for the last couple days so I'm goint to intentionally piss off Jesse at TVNewwLies and see if he links back to me.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

What The Fuck?

Why do people read Michelle Malkin and not me? I am way more interesting. Although if drunk it's a 50/50 guess about who will try to touch your boobies first.

Ohh!! What the?? You Burden Me With Questions, You're Tellin Me No Lies..

Why are my ears ringing?

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm.

You really need to read my blog in order of comment to make sense.

Dave, Fuck You

I am totally on board with my own disfuctional blog. Afterall, isn't making me any money. I would love to know what post has been removed by the blog administrator.

Dammit, why can't I comment on your blog. I know you're reading this.


Don't make me call you a Kennedy.

And don't make me kick you in the nuts.

By The Power Of Grayskull Part 2

Oh my god. I am too drunk. Thanks to a $60 bottle of 18 year old Scotch, I am entirely tooo fucked up. It's a ggood tning too. If I touched your boobies tonight, they were spectacular. Still I have to get this off my chest.,,
I am sincere when I say that although Janey amy have larger volume and Didi has muscle behind hers Lisa still has more volume and definition/muscle. I did marry all the bang for my buck.

I'm not saying that because I'm married to Lisa, it's my educated opinion. However, if I wasn't married to LIsa I'd say that the guy who came with the lesbians has the second best tits at the party.

Dave, I promise to never connect my foot to your nuts ever.

Oh yeah, I hear a Kennedy got into a car accident. I'm not the least bit s8urprised;.

Also, did I halucinate or did a really hot but slutty looking pregnant woman bring a dog to the party?

By The Power Of Grayskull

The other day I changed the link to Dave's blog to get him to post more often and he did. As much as I like telling people what to do and then see them do it, I should have used that wish for something better. Something like telling Didi to go get me a Weed Wacker or telling Ricketyfunk to send me one million dollars. Oh well.

Off to do some yard work.

Friday, May 05, 2006

5 Things 4 Cinco de Mayo

A couple thoughts.

Cobag is the new Snakes On A Plane. It won't be as big but it won't disappear into "You can call me Ray" style obscurity as quickly as S.O.A.P. will. Where exactly is the beef?

How come all the online lyrics websites only have Lady Miss Kir's part but not the rap lyrics Q-Tip delivers at the end for Groove Is In The Heart?

I seem to have generated controversy over the use of the word Cocksucker. I use it not to point out distaste for homosexuality. I have absolutely no problem with whatever or whomever any man or woman chooses to love so long as it's not a defenseless child. There is simply no gender neutral or masculine form of the word Cunt. Some might argue Dick is the masculine curse but clearly it doesn't carry quite the punch that Cunt does. Besides it's OK to say it on TV whereas Cunt is not. Cocksucker is the closest masculine insult and it gets the kind of rise out of men that Cunt gets out of women.

Finally, I'm thinking of renaming this site for the fourth time. I like "Dean Rules!" It's kind of an inside joke from my Penn State days and it indicates how full of myself I really am which is important to convey to outsiders. However, two individuals have recently addressed me simply as "Dean!" and I find it to be forcefull and commanding. I'll probably leave it as "Dean Rules!"

A couple is exactly four in Dean Rules! land.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

May The Schwartz Be With You

If the rumor is true does that mean I can get my money back for the first disk in the original trilogy pack? Greedo shoots first? Those fuckers better not make it part of a 6+ disk box set only release.

If that's true then maybe there's hope for my dream of an anamorphic Dolby 5.1 Blu-Ray with directors commentary version of The Star Wars Holiday Special. Maybe Lucas will redo a version of Episode One that doesn't suck.

One can only dream.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

This Note Is Legal Tender For All Debts, Public And Private

Gold is over $675 an ounce. M3 is a fond memory. It's OK with me when inflation hits. As long as the Federal Reserve Banknote is the legal currency backed up by The United States Government (and its military) I don't have anything to worry about. You see, I have some debt, some dental bills and a couple credit cards. Not too much, I'm able to make my payments. However, when it takes a wheelbarrow full of Federal Reserve Banknotes to buy a loaf of bread I'll take those notes by the thousands and well... My credit cards will have to take them. Debt paid in full. This Note Is Legal Tender For All Debts, Public And Private!!!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Well That's Odd

OK, It turns out that "Day Without A Mexican" was a legitimate sick day for the dishwasher I filled in for. Thrown out sholder. I filled in as a "Steward" again today and will be back there tomorrow.

The odd thing I speak of is my hit counter. Unique hits for the last six days, starting with the day before I pissed that Jesse character off. 72 (about normal, maybe low but within one standard deviation ) 529 (Thanks again, Jesse) 96 (A bit high by two standard deviations for a week day and really high for a weekend, maybe some of Jesse's readers stopped by) Then this is what gets me puzzled. Sunday I get 364 hits. Monday brings in 251 and today I get 49. I didn't post this morning so I figure those who visit me on an RSS feed stayed home. Sunday and Monday traffic is unexplainable to me. So as of this post, I have 49 for the day. Tomorrows post will be in the evening as well so maybe tomorrows number will go up from tonights post when folks get to wherever they check their readers in the morning.

Stay tooned!

PS I don't know if the guy was an asshole or being ironic but today I saw a bumpersticker that read "How many dead GI's does your gasguzzling SUV get per gallon?" It was on a Ford F-150 King Cab 4X4. My 10 year old Tacoma gets 24-26 mpg depending on what octane I burn. That 4 door pickup truck, second only to a red Porsche as a sign of midlife crisis, gets 16-18 highway MPG. It was the only bumpersticker on the truck so absent a Darwin Fish or an Eagle I can't tell if it's irony or asshattery.

Monday, May 01, 2006

I Am The Luckiest Man Alive

Yesterday I said I needed a lawnmower that mulches and has a power drivetrain. Today, driving home from my temp job washing dishes because the Salvadorian kid didn't show up I find exactly what I want on the side of the road with a big cardboard sign "FREE"!!! I get it in the back of my Tacoma quickly and scurry off home with it. It even had gas in it. Three pushes of the primer pump and one pull of the cord and I'm totally in business.

Day Without A Mexican

I just got a frantic call from a friend in the restaurant business. I'm going to go wash dishes.
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