Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
I'm The Last Person Who Should Be Chaperoning The Prom
"Don't touch it they're extensions and will come out." - Latania, the other 8th grade teacher they talked into working the prom.
"It doesn't matter, you're not getting laid tonight." - I have no idea who the girl was or what prompted it but I thought it was hilarious.
"You know this is a hotel." - Me to both of the 8th grade science teachers when they lead me by the arm on to the dance floor.
"I can't believe the DJ is throwing Mardi Gras beads to all the girls. You know what teenage girls usually have to do to get free beads?" - Me again to Latania.
"Ignore them, if you catch them doing something we'll have to punish them." - Advice from one of the other teachers to me.
"Mr SEEEEEEEEEEEE!" - About a dozen drunk students to me every time they saw me.
"I think they want us to unload the busses one by one and we're 5th in line so fuck it, it's your prom. Go have fun." Me to my busload of kids after the most uncomfortable ride ever. I'm not kidding, the bus stank of blue toilet water and then one of the electrical panels snapped out of the ceiling and hit a kid on the head half way there.
"Your cardigan sweater and softspoken nature makes every one think you're all prim and proper school teacher but the black eyeshadow leads me to believe that there is a pair of handcuffs somewhere in your bedroom." - Me to Katy, probably crossing a line somewhere.
"In my bedroom? Yes." Katy, who probably should have slapped me.
I can't wait for the senior prom.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
A Minor Ray Of Sunshine At Work
Labels: School Shootings
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
I Think He's Totally Under-rated And Deserves A Second Chance
Hi, I'm a washed up child actor who had tremendous success when I was young and cute but am now totally ignored by the Big Hollywood System. I am of dubious note but even though I'm not one of the many Cory's my mom still has all my issues of Tiger Beat. Unfortunately that's as far as my star has risen. I get no love. No small proof of that is the fact that I wasn't even invited to do the end title song in "Dickie Roberts" and that movie had Leif Garreitt. Crap, that movie even had Adam Rich and he died of a heroin overdose while getting mugged 30 years ago. It's awkward for me every where I go in Hollywood. I feel exactly like Jerry Lewis at the Las Vegas premier for "Oceans 11", the original one, not that crappy remake.
So since you've managed to dust off Chad Lowe, C.Thomas Howell and totally rescue Ricardo Schroder's failing career (calling him "Ricky" in the credits was your idea, wasn't it) could you do the same for me? I bet those guys are getting tons of tail down on The Strip since their special guest cameo's on "24." You really know how to help a brother out as the gangstas say. My career needs a pick-me-up bad and since we worked together I was hoping I could get a boost back up that ladder.
Really it would do me tons of good. I'm tired of hanging around with Phillip Michael Thomis, Garfunkle, that other Corey and Kel Mitchel. I hate the fact that the only pussy I get is either Dawn French or the bald guy from "Tenacious D".
Remember when we did that movie together and I was one of your underlings. I'd be happy to reprise my role or something similar on "24." Fuck, I'd even be happy if you took movies of me getting tortured. I'd even let you do it for real as long as it's not with a hood over my face and you do put my name in the credits.
How about it? Can you save me from having to rob that 7-11 outside Las Vegas just to see my name in the tabloids? Can you save my career? I can guarantee both members of my fan club will tune in and give your show all kinds of mad boosts in the ratings. Seriously consider me for even 20 seconds out of Jack Bauers day. Since Keanu won't return any of my calls... I really need this.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Look At That
And again, why April?
Thursday, April 19, 2007
And why does this shit always happen in April?
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Nowhere To Run To, Nowhere To Hide
Wouldn't it have been better to allow students to carry weapons to protect themselves rather then wait for the police to arrive on campus and save the day? What do you mean they were already there? Then why didn't they save the other 30 lives?
For crying out loud. The gunman only killed 2 people in the dorm that morning. Then two fucking hours later when an army of police officers were on the scene the guy kills 30 more. Where were theses 30 other people? Locked in their labs? In a big open cafeteria? No they were in a classroom. Sitting like ducks with no way to defend themselves. In a gun free zone.
There are two things in the back of every teachers mind. Two possibilities that we're always dreading. One is having a student who accuses us of sexual assault which even if it is proven untrue will still end our career. The other is getting shot.
I teach in a room with no door knob. It broke a month ago and the physical plant is in no hurry to fix it. My classroom connects without a locking door to two other classrooms. That's 60-70 kids sitting like ducks if we go into lockdown again.
If I had the chance, I'd be willing to carry a weapon. I'd have no problem returning fire. It beats dieing with my hands in front of my face cowering behind a desk.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Regrets, I've Had A Few
Sunday, April 15, 2007
The Daily Show
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Alright 2 More
The second speaks volumes about a fraud. At first read it seems like the scam was taking advantage of some poof dumbfuck savages for every buck they had. Really it was a massive fraud against the American people. One that's so subtle, few people are going to put 2 & 2 together. The mortgage houses all gave out free money like candy and then immediately pooled all those bad loans into mortgage backed securities, slapped them with a Ginnie Mae guarantee that the government will make good on bad mortgages and sold them to everyone who needed to park the money they pulled out of the stock market before the last bear woke up. It's not just some poor wetbacks that are getting scammed for everything they have, it's any poor dumbfuck who pays taxes too.
In the end letting the Fed run the central bank for the benefit of bankers hasn't done you or me any favors. The upside to all this is that the money we're going to use to pay back the good faith and credit of these loans with is going to come back to us cheaply. I love that last linky. The Boston Globe is telling us that Stagflation is coming so we should save our cash. If Stagflation is coming we're far better off maxing out our credit cards now and buying gold or forclosure homes or maybe even go portfolio heavy into canned goods and shotguns.
About Yesterdays Post
A film about zombies attacking all of England lends itself to telling thousands of stories. I've always wanted to see what happened to the cops that were taking a boat up the river in the original "Dawn of the Dead". You remember the the ones looking for cigarettes. In the European release of the DotD that was one of the scenes that ran longer. You got to see what was going on and why the radio operator was dead. I wonder if the other cops ever got to "the islands... any island." They kind of settle what could possibly go wrong on an island at the end of the remake but still, I wonder what happened to the cops.
"Trainspotting 2" just seems like it's going to be watch Renton sell out, settle down to a life of cars, toasters, big screen televisions and "mind numbing spirit crushing game shows" and becoming an embarrasment to the brats he's spawned to replace himself.
And it's Robert Carlyle, the guy who played Begbe that's in "28 Weeks Later". He was the guy in "The Full Monty" and that James Bond movie, the one I don't have... "The World Is Not Enough." He was also in "Formula 51" but I'm the only person I know who's seen that movie. Even the guys I went to see that movie with don't remember seeing it.
Friday, April 13, 2007
This Is The Worse News I've Had All Year
An funny little note, the two posts this week have been about movies starring the same actor.
OK fixed a typo in the link.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
The Best News I've Had All Year
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
I Miss Napster
That's the problem with him is that either his standards are not very high, he doesn't understand units and their importance when taking measurements or he specifically wants a girl who's not all there. The latter insuring that his life is full of drama and women who are crazy but not in the good way.
I'd buy Tylenol if the commercial showed someone trying to open a bottle while he sings "You got what I need" to the bottle. Come to think of it that lyric works for so many products. Biz could probably use the money so Madison Avenue help a brother out.
Everytime I hear this I want to buy a Toyota Rav4 and I really want to go on a cruise so I can kick heroin. Dig around the first link and you can find an audio clip for the song YouTube doesn't want you to hear.
By the way Iggy Pop rocked! The Orpheum is rapidly becoming my least favorite place to see a show. I like the Aganis Arena if you're not too far from the show. Maybe I'll rent it out for my 40th birthday party and hire Biz to valet park my friends cars. Now I'm just being mean.
Monday, April 09, 2007
How will Taxachusetts handle this kind of thing? Well they'll probably pass a law that will end up severely curtailing free speach. It will probably also be totally unenforcable. It could even go so far as to require any company who's marketing products cause a bomb scare to pay no questions asked for cleanup.
So if I own a business and I want to crush my competition I could print up a few suspicious looking items with their logo and watch Mayor Mumbles over react. I see a whole new avenue for organized crime opening up here.
So remember I called it first.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Live Free Or Diet
The fuckhead doesn't get it. 40,000 people a year are going to die of something. Ban trans fat and they live a bland life a little while longer and pay more money for food doing it. Give them their burgers until their hearts pop. They're going to die no matter what you do. You just want to tell us all how to live because you make a good living telling the government that you know how we should live.
You know what I miss. Denny's Beer Barrel Pub. Mike, feel like going? (scroll down on that link, it's worth a look)
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things
I saw CSPWDT on a TV my dad brought up to Gunstock Maine one chilly summer night just after my parents got divorced. We went camping and I fucking hate camping but I love my dad so I go camping with him. He brought a crappy little TV and plugged it in at the camp ground. Some crappy little UHF channel was running it on their Friday night movie slot and they were so crappy and little they ran the reels in the wrong order. I had no idea what the fuck was going on but I couldn't take my eyes off it.
There's rumors of a remake of Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things. He was attached to the project so it probably wouldn't have sucked.
I For One Welcome Our European Bikini Bottom At The Beach Wearing Overlords
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Actually It's Aluminium Foil
Why don't you just fucking telegraph your every move. I don't think the retarded deaf mute in the back row didn't see you put the gun on the table in the first act. Intermission was a while ago so we must be in the third act by now.
Monday, April 02, 2007
I expect to be at war with Iran by the end of this week. Especially since we have a rare 3 day weekend starting on a thursday night. Nobody pays attention to the news on a weekend.
So there will be some sort of attack against christianity during Easter easily blamed on moslems. We've been so conditioned to think "dirty bomb" or chemical attack that whatever hits will scare the crap out of us.
Where are we going to escape to? There will be nowhere to run.
Canada is tightening their border with the US starting this weekend.
Maybe that's why the Bush family is moving to South America.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
I Can't Believe He Won
About 6 months ago I entered a contest with Rockstar video games to design the character for the new GTA:Vice City Stories. It's the sequel to GTA:Liberty City Stories. I won the contest. They picked Barney to be the new lead character and just sent me the polygon animation set that will be in the game. They picked a cat because they're trying to be more kid friendly to soften their image. So in the game a cat is going to roam the alleyways and streets trying to find the vet that neutered him. Along the way he takes control of a catnip distribution ring and eventually runs all of Vice City after undergoing a brain transplant with CJ from GTA:San Andreas. It sounds cheesy but I am so stoked for this. Barney's gonna be famous.