Thank You

One More

Some total fucktard left a cat in a cardboard pet carrier in the tall grass across the street from us. If I didn't have a monster truck I wouldn't have seen it. I noticed it when I got home tonight. It just didn't look right to me so I got out and investigated. I was so happy and surprised to see that the cat was alive I dropped my iPhone. The glass is cracked. The cat had tinkled in the box and it was dry so she was in the box for a long time. It's pretty cold tonight. I took her in and called animal control. I let her out of the box in quarantine while we waited for the police. She was very sweet and really fucking scared. She wouldn't take food or water from me but was otherwise happy to be out of the box.

This post isn't going to end with "So we've got another cat now."

Animal control took her to a rescue shelter which is by coincidence our Vet.

Totally offtopic: Last weekend I pulled the dent out of the side of my FJ.

Junk

Yes, I know the spanky new website is down. New firmware on router refuses to port forward now. Can't get old firmware to fix.

I have nothing to say about The Bin Laden Trades.

Or this.

My leg feels better. Barney seems to have forgiven me.

They Love Each Other

Last night Barney refused to come to bed because Little Princess Sheba still gets locked in the downstairs bathroom every night. He want's her to come up to bed with us. They're that inseparable now.

Adventure

Barney has figured out how to open the front door and decided to become an outdoor kitty today. He was out for about 10 minutes before the neighbors free range doggy started chasing him. The twins next door came over and did that creepy twin thing where they speak in unison. "I think your cat got out."

I caught Barney in the hedges next to the house. He was all wigged out by the dog but didn't want to come back inside. He started to turn like he was going to bolt but let me pick him up. He didnt'want to come back in and has spent the rest of the day trying to get back outside.

Lisa is distraught over the thought of Barney running away and getting eaten by the coyote or the fisher cat.

BTW, The duck eggs never hatched.

Genius

There is a new cat litter box on the market that I'm very tempted to try. As you may know, I'm a big fan of robot slaves that do my bidding. Visitors to my house seldom leave without seeing the robot claw machine that cleans Barney's cat box. This morning I saw the ad on TV for the Cat Genie and immediately checked out the website. I'm very curious to see how the Cat Genie works, if at all. Then on the website I see this picture. Something about the look on the cats face makes me laugh.

I Can't Believe He Won

About 6 months ago I entered a contest with Rockstar video games to design the character for the new GTA:Vice City Stories. It's the sequel to GTA:Liberty City Stories. I won the contest. They picked Barney to be the new lead character and just sent me the polygon animation set that will be in the game. They picked a cat because they're trying to be more kid friendly to soften their image. So in the game a cat is going to roam the alleyways and streets trying to find the vet that neutered him. Along the way he takes control of a catnip distribution ring and eventually runs all of Vice City after undergoing a brain transplant with CJ from GTA:San Andreas. It sounds cheesy but I am so stoked for this. Barney's gonna be famous.

I Fuckin Hate Being Right All The Time

We need to distract Americans from the dirty tricks we're pulling in order to set off a new war.

I know, let's kill some of their pets.

What do you mean?

We can put different kinds of poison into the hoppers at the one manufacturing plant that serves all of the premium brands of foods. That way we can be sure of killing the pets of important people. You know the kind of people who spend more then ten cents on their pets meals each day. Rich people. Important people.

OK so what then?

Well one lab will find one kind of poison and then another lab will find a different one. Everyone will squabble over what's gone wrong. No one will notice that we're massing our troops at the Iranian boarder.

Isn't that mean to animals.

Oh come on, it's not like we didn't kill a bunch of New Yorkers six years ago.

When Did I Become A Screaming Drama Queen?

Barney came home yesterday. It turns out he had a bladder infection from mineral crystals in his regular food. His kidneys are fine and the vet doesn't think it's from the poisonous petfoods at this time. He's on 3 medicines twice a day for a month and has prescription catfood. We have to make sure he pees every day but so far that's not a problem.

We were giving him the best foods we could and spoiling him rotten. He was getting treats. He had a fresh litter box every time he went into it thanks to the robot claw. He had everything he ever wanted (well, except for some kitty lovin with that white cat.)

Since we weren't emptying the litter box every day we didn't really notice he wasn't tinklin properly.

So thanks to the petfood recall, we were hyper vigilant of Barney's health and mistook the early symptoms of a bladder infection for exposure to deadly poison and wisked him off to the vet weeks before we would have noticed otherwise.

He was very relieved to see us when we went to pick him up. So relieved that he forgave us for bringing him to that horrible place. He's not happy about the new food but he's eating it. I think he thinks he's being punished because we can't give him his usual treats. Cat's hate change.

Premium Brand Poison

Barney is spending the night at the veterinarians office. He has crystals in his tinkle. The vet thinks we got him attention in time. We don't know how his blood tests are yet.

He probably remembers all the time he spent in the shelter and thinks we've thrown him away too now. I just want to go there and spend the night with him so he's not scared.

I want to make someone pay for this. I want to beat the crap out of whatever asshole decided to put poison into the food. I really want to smash a hammer into the kidneys of the bastards who knew about the problem but delayed the recall.

The real irony is that if we didn't feed Barney what the shelter recommended as the best food and bought him cheap crap food he wouldn't be sleeping tonight in a cage that other animals have died in.

When Did My Blog Become Whiner Central?

Not that my life could suck anymore but we've been feeding Barney a heaping helping of kidney failure. So far he appears unharmed but we only just found out Nutro is among the recalled petfoods. It's funny too, last week we fed him a pouch of the recalled food and he refused to eat it. Lisa thought it looked runny and not right. We got a pouch that looked like that a year ago and just threw it out.

In place of his wet foods covered in toxic gravy, Barney gets fresh shrimp and crab meat. Somewhere in the Middle East a child is trying to decide if that yellow package in the dirt is a UN food drop or a cluster bomb. My cat is healthy though.