Where I've been.

For a few months I haven't really felt like talking. I had a lot on my mind but nothing approaching a cogent thought. For much of the time we were simply exhausted from, well from life.

Lisa's grandfather passed away. Now I'm almost free to talk about it. It's hard to talk without sounding like I'm gloating. I'm not. Tom was my best friend these last few years. We played together. I listened to the same god damned stories every week. Each telling seemed to be taking on a more intense sense of urgency. Tom had to get them out before his end came. He knew it was coming. He fought every slip and slide toward what comes next. Kind of like that Seinfeld episode where George fakes being a marine biologist.

"The sea was angry that day my friend!" "Like an old man sending back a bowl of soup in a restaurant."

Tom refused that last bowl of soup as if he could hold off and hold on to one more rush. But he knew when he bought his last car that he was buying his last car. He knew the mess he was leaving when he burned the engine on his Porsche. He knew no one would buy his broken down Bricklin during his lifetime.

We had the Porsche fixed. I just could not stand the thought of it not rolling around. The Bricklin I can do myself.

He left Lisa the house and the objects there-in. He left the cars to her but it was understood that the cars would be for me to look after as I had when he was living. He left us land that we can't build a house on. The joke's on Wenham. I found a tax loophole that lets me tell them to go fuck off. We can't build and they can't tax us on it. They get my trees for a decade and I have my own adventure park to four wheel drive in.

We have nothing to complain about. Hopefully no one else will and the estate will pass probate quickly. In the mean time, I know what 250 km per hour feels like.

Papers Please

The State of Hawaii is considering a law that will, if enacted, ruin tourism. It seems that in order to stamp out uninsured drivers they're going to require identity papers and permission slips before you can purchase gasoline. Now the first thing that comes to my mind is that not every last drop of gasoline purchased goes to the automobile. If I'm riding a moped or want to mow the lawn or use the weed wacker I'm fucked. No insurance card needed for those activities so no gasoline for me. And I'm totally fucked if I want gasoline for the backup electric generator I keep for my continuous home oxygen machine.

As proposed the law does not take into consideration the rent-a-car business. I'm sure they'll be noticing this and get the law changed so that they can issue temporary cards. They will definitely make it so that only their insurance rider will count. This will kill the credit card waiver or for guys like me whose regular policy will cover a rental car. We'll be forced to tack on the $15 per day extra. Market forces will drive tourism down. Why go to Hawaii where a rent-a-car, and now an expensive rent-a-car, is a necessity when you can go elsewhere and save.

But what this will really do to kill the tourism industry is what's scary. Driving without insurance makes one an outlaw. Now it can be argued that such antisocial behavior is benign but I don't believe so. It doesn't take much for some folks to go from thinking the law doesn't apply to me to thinking they can get away with more. Tourists with rented cars are already a target for theft or worse. Now with the insurance gasoline card boondoggle they'll be even more of a target.

How this will just paint a bigger target on the tourist. Mr. Criminal wakes up one morning and thinks "Hmmm who can I rip off today?" Then he remembers there's no gas in the car. So instead of the elderly woman with a spaghetti strap purse he goes looking for a tourist with a gas card first off.

The easy fix for me the well informed traveler is to avoid Hawaii. I just hope I'm not kidnapped walking out of the Cold Stone in Santa Fe. But I digress.

The other unintended consequence of this law will be a surge in black market gasoline. From the friend asking a friend to go fill their car for them to families making sure they have at least one car insured (minimum, no collision, high deductible) and into more outright profiteering. I'll make a fortune selling gas cans full of water with just a thin layer of gasoline on top so when my customer sniffs it they'll think it's real.

Or I'll switch to a diesel car and buy a lot of #2 fuel oil "for-the-house." It's already a cheaper alternative to gasoline right now anyway.

And come on! Really? Do you want to fuck up your tourism industry even more than TSA?

Can We Get A Little More Stress Please

Lisa and I have been flat out busy. Her grandfather has had one heck of a fall and start to winter. His long standing heart valve problem took a turn for the worse at the same time his prostate ballooned like a bad mortgage interest rate. Then pneumonia landed him in the hospital before Thanksgiving.

He was only in the hospital for a couple days but since then he's been a 24 hour job for Lisa. There is some hope on the horizon. We've hired a live in nurse to take over Nuno's care. Now Lisa can come up for air.

So if it seems like I was ignoring you or not taking calls it's because we're exhausted. Maybe now we can have some part of our life back.

Napster

I'm not going to rehash, here, what others have said about online music distribution. I'm not going to get into the legalities of file sharing. What I am going to say is if there is truth to online piracy being an indicator for what is popular than bands have got to come up with uniquely search able names. From my perspective Kiss is going to fall into obscurity real soon. There is no way that "New York Groove" is their biggest hit song but that's the first song that I've been able to find.

If my students are any indication and they usually are, the Google generation rarely clicks on anything but the first couple page ranks.

Why Should They Start Now?

I firmly disagree with the last sentence in this article.

How Much Is That Gonna Cost Me?

Van Halen, Devo, Big Audio Dynamite (because it's too late to see The Clash) and The Replacements. Those are the bands I haven't seen live that I'm willing to go anywhere for any price to see.

Van Halen just announced a tour with Dave and Eddy and some other guys. Actually it's with Eddy's son Wolfgang in place of Michael Anthony. I'm sure Wolfgang is technically competant but I've seen Michael Anthony live (I did see Van Hagar Live Without A Net.) I doubt Wolfie is going to drink a fith of Jack Daniels during a 10 minute Bass solo.

I just took The Police off the above list and the show was great. A little slice of disappointment though, The English Beat/General Public are one slot out of that list and they played in Boston the night of The Police show. And I missed 'Every Little Thing' because my leg was killing me and I had to walk around under the grandstand to avoid blood clots from standing.

I've probably upset Tom by suggesting Big Audio Dynamite is in some way a suitable substitution for Joe Strummer.

I haven't seen REM live but for some reason, as much as I love them, I'm not interested. I missed my chance to see them play at the Salem Theater in 1983 for $5. I had just moved to Marblehead and didn't really know anyone. I tried to talk the two kids I did know into going but they didn't want to pay $5 for someone they never heard of. I knew who they were because my Dad had MTV at his house (Marblehead didn't have cable tv yet.) I saw the video for 'Radio Free Europe' and knew that REOSTYXTOTOFOREIGNEREAGLESLEDZEPPLENBOSTON were done for and what we would eventually call "College Radio" was The Cutting Edge.

Smart Girls

Winnie Cooper from "The Wonder Years"

Blossom from "Blossom"

I was going to do a story about child actresses who don't end up in porn but then I ran accros this post.

I'm not going to go into how fucked up this guy is in assuming that IVF isn't Gods will. Perhaps the Grand Architect of the Universe has decided that it's time for mankind to use the gift of his science to solve infertility. It's no matter that no one knows how many embryos fertalize naturally and fail to implant compared to those embryos that are counted in the lab.

If I knew how hard it would be to have children I would have started much earlier in life. The overwhelming message from the media is to have an education and career in place and start a family later in life. For many women who buy into that message they find out the painfully hard way that it's too late to have a family.

Our culture infantalizes our children until well into their most fertile time frame. No beer for a teenager who just held his buddy in his arms while he dies in the dusty streets of Kandahar. That boy is a MAN. He deserves a beer more then I do and a job where he can support a family when he marries his high school sweetheart. Instead he has to wait until he's 21 for that beer. His girlfriend is going to college because she knows she'll have to get a job that pays more then minimum wage just to keep the family afloat. There's no time for her to have babies. It will be years before her boyfriend is home and finished college. It will be years before that couple can afford to have children. Hopefully she'll still be fertile when her college loans are paid off.

The Hardest Decision I'll Ever Have To Make

It's looking like it may be time for me to say goodbye to my truck. She's been my girl for 5 years now. She was a graduation present from my mom. She was already 6 when I bought her. Now at 11, she's at the point where there's still a fair trade in value but things are breaking with frequency.

There's a foot of rot in the frame. The leaf springs are both cracked. The rear drums freeze in position a lot. The AC needs a new condensor. It leaks oil from somewhere. It's about to throw a rod (I think in cylinder 4.) There's a hole in the exhaust but it's after the muffler.

Kurczy, wanna buy a truck?

On the other hand, I just replaced the battery, clutch, U-joint and had some body work done. Brakes and tires are still pretty new and it runs great. I've been deeply religious about changing oil and fixing the little problems before they become big problems.

Do I trade it in on a new car or do I stick by my girl and make the commitment to drop a couple grand a year into keeping it going? I love the 4x4. I love sitting up on a lifted suspension. I love my truck but I don't need the pickup bed anymore. I wear a tie to work now and really need the air conditioner working again.

My mechanic is telling me now is the time to let her go. My wallet is telling me I'm screwed no matter what I do. My heart is telling me that I should go home with the girl who brought me to the dance.

It would be an easy decision if this wasn't in production.

Bone Weary

OK, raise your hands. Who here remembers when I broke my leg in high school? It was the night that we saw “Fright Night” at the Warwick and then went to Old Burial Hill to look for zombies. Remember that? I fell off a 3 foot stone wall and broke my leg. Marty, you were there and for some reason I remember Panda being there which is odd since we went to a “horror” movie and Panda usually avoided such things.

Remember the weeks of my hobbling around on crutches? Remember the fiberglass cast that you couldn’t sign because it was rougher then sharkskin. Fucking thing was like Velcro.

I remember the fun nights with my new girlfriend, Kristen. I remember trying to make out with her at the lighthouse and she’d run just out of reach and make me chase her on my crutches. She had a sadistic streak but it was so gratifying to catch her. Then we’d go to my house and watch Miami Vice then listen to Echo and the Bunnymen. I remember Marty driving me home all the time in the Stanza. I remember the smell when the cast finally came off.

Now 22 years later, the same injury is haunting me like SciFi Network reruns of “Fright Night.” Terrible, horrible reruns cut with commercials every 12 minutes.

I’m in an air cast. I got X-rays this afternoon. I’m seeing an orthopedic surgeon. I’m getting old.

Clicky

Who Fucking Cares? What Fucking Difference Does It Make?

Call me a cynic or even a tinfoil hat wearing conspiracy theorist. As a GenX'r, Kent State always seemed to be one of those "so what" moments in history that people get disproportionately bent out of shape over. Yeah 4 people got killed by the government. People who look for trouble find trouble. Hippies looking for trouble found it and luckily the bloodshed was limited to a handful. Those same hippies who think that America and her innocence died that day then went on to vote for the Brady Bill. In a staggering show of both historical and constitutional ignorance the Boomers traded safety from government for the Bush administration. Sure not over night, it took a house in the suburbs, a Subaru and the fear of losing the security of being the favored lapdog of power but my parents generation has done a fine job of burying their head up their asses. Now instead of getting bent out of shape for the fuckup they've inflicted on the world by selling out they're lining up to protest what's safe to protest against. I never doubted that the National Gaurd was ordered to shoot Americans. Anyone who thinks that the National Gaurd isn't willing to turn their guns against their friends and family again doesn't deserve the Second Ammendment. I'm not the least bit afraid of getting gunned down by some nigger crackhead. Frankly I don't believe nigger crackheads really exist. Cracker tweakers maybe but I'm not bothered by the thought that someone not as white as me might own a gun. I'm worried about the under educated hillbilly willing to shoot in whatever direction they're told to. Or maybe I should worry about the smart ones.

The Boomers are getting bent out of shape that they've been lied to about events that happened when they were pot smoking kids. Now that they're adults they need to be pissed off about the lies heading their way today.

The real irony is that a bunch of Nigga's With Attitude livin' the hip hop dream are going to be the only ones who could stage a modern day Warsaw Ghetto Uprising when the National Guard is next ordered to fire upon me and you.

All the same assholes that are getting bent out of shape about the government shooting civilians are also bent out of shape that some chinamen shot some college students in a gun free zone. It's OK for the government to bring guns into a gun free zone. It's not OK for you and I to defend ourselves. Don't worry, when the next Kent State occurs the government will own up to the truth... in 40 years... when they need another limited hangout to distract America from what's really going wrong. The honored dead can rest peacefully knowing that they served their master well.

short update and then back to the blogging vacation that i promise will end soon

Lisa has two embryos in her belly. We won't know if they're babies or not for another two weeks. Between taking care of her grandfather who has checked himself into an assisted living home for a couple weeks to see if he likes it and writing sub-plans because the babies weren't ready to be concieved when I was off for Feb vacation, I have had zero time to myself.

Like I said, Lisa has two fertalized embryos in her belly. She's doing much better then she did back in August when we had to freeze our embryos for a month. We feel good about the latest round but also a little bit guilty about feeling so good. Other peers of ours are not having so much luck. Lisa and I love you all. Trust me when I say we're not doing that much better then you. For all our success, we're far from danger right now. That being said, I am about to pop from anticipation. I don't mind the process so much as I hate the moment where we have to wait to see if we'll be more then temporary parents. That's where I live right now.

As for Nuno, he's having a rough patch because of a bout with bronchitis a couple weeks ago. When he felt the first signs of illness he quit cigars because "they just don't taste right." So every time he gets a craving for nicotine which often includes a racing pulse and bout of flop sweat he thinks it's a heart attack and has a panic attack about dieing. We got him on a nicotine patch but he just could not settle down and decided he wanted to go "to that place that Nana went that time." The good news is that they didn't want him because he's not sick. He ended up looking at a place behind the Beverly Hospital where he can stay for two weeks for half price to see if he likes it. He checked in this afternoon. Our first report is that he hates it already.

Making my life even more interesting is the fact that today I was told that I will probably be recieving a pink slip in May because my district is 1.8million dollars short for this year. I'm not too worried because the district is so small that rumors fly around faster then conspiracy theories on "Tha Internets." I hear that parents are harassing guidance over getting their honors students into my 512 class.

I need to explain that last statement a little, 512 is the lowest level science class offered to freshmen or those who didn't pass freshmen science last year. You're in my class because your parents, the district and even you yourself have given up on you ever surviving a traditional science class. I didn't realize when I walked into class last September the fucking mess I was handed. I had kids with behavior problems lumped in with kids who had profound learning disabilities piled on top of kids who just didn't understand enough math to take a higher level class then the lowest we offered. The district had no curriculum for these two sections. Other problems had left 512 in the unique situation of being a warehouse for problems to be solved later.

I take my job seriously. I am prepared for my junior level chemistry class every day. That's an easy one. I am a pretty good chemistry teacher. My upper level freshmen science class is beginning to suffer. If I'm cutting any corners, I admit it's with them but that's about to change. I spent the last 5/4 semester planning upper level science and lower level science so that I can swap over at some point. The prep is mostly all done now and I can just extend 511 and 512 to each other.

It's a good thing I have more time now because I'm losing the G&T kids. I wrote what I thought was an easy test and the class average was a 59 with a median of 63. We fought for the whole class today about why I do not scale. The principal came in during part of it. I ended up writing a college level question on the black board. I gave them 20 minutes to see if any one in the room could answer it. If one student could answer it I would give the class 10 points. They worked like they never worked before. They got it wrong. They tried again and again. Finally, one girl working alone got it.

Wow, I really do have ADD worse then the kids do.

512 has become my pet project and the place I try things out. I am bullet proof in there. The district doesn't expect anything out of these kids. Almost every parent I meet admits their kid is a knucklehead during the meeting. I gave these kids homework once and one kid threw his microwave oven while still on fire through his kitchen window and another girl had the fire department respond to her house.

Veteran teachers call me crazy for keeping pet scorpions around these kids but the kids love them and they don't screw around with them because they're scorpions and the kids aren't stupid. Veteran teachers call me crazy for handing some of these kids soldering irons but no one burned themselves. In fact, in 5 minutes I taught 50 kids to make clean solder joints. Industrial Arts give them 6 weeks to learn the same skill.

I know most of my students aren't going to pass the MCAS but they wouldn't pass MCAS if I did anything differently anyway. They wouldn't pass MCAS if any other teacher was standing in front of them. But I can tell you at least one thing I have taught for every one of my students that they will own and recall for the rest of their life. Some learned how to solder. Some learned forces. Some learned about energy. Some will learn classical mechanics.

To finish up the year, my 512 kids are building cardboard walking robots and rockets out of paper towel tubes while the "smart kids" are taking MCAS prep courses. (Big thanks go to Didi and Lee for collecting paper towel tubes for me!)

Next year, if my contract is renewed and I am pretty sure they'll pink slip me in May and rehire me in June, I won't have the freedom I do whatever I want to do like this year. For all the work I've put into reaching these kids and all the prep I put into Freshmen Physics I won't be teaching it. I'll probably be taking Seniors who are even more academically challenged through applied chemistry. I think I'll show them how easy it is to make TNT. It's just nitric acid and toluene.